I've spent most of 2011 wondering when things will stop being so damn hard. I do realize that life is a series of ups and downs, but normally there's also some middle ground. That middle ground is something that has been severely lacking since the start of the year. It's not that I'm completely despondent about my life, but I do feel as though the ratio of worry, sadness, and uncertainty is supremely out of balance with the happiness and contentedness parts. I feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and insecure - the combination of which has left me in a bit of a funk. Maybe it's just a case of the winter blahs, or maybe it's something bigger - something that only a major shake up can fix.
Sigh. I think I just need a do over button. If I can't get that, I need something fantastic to happen... like a new job... or a cuddly puppy.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
V Day!
There was a time in my life in which I took a vehement anti-Valentine's Day stance, but at this point, I'm not particularly pro or con. On one hand, I hate that it's a manufactured holiday that leads to unnecessary stress/anger and generic expressions of affection. On the other hand, I do enjoy the cutesy part of the holiday - I'm all about the adorable cupcakes and socks adorned with goofy glittery hearts. Plus, I look damn good in both pink and red (but not together - one or the other, paired with black!).
As much as I love the cutesy aspects, ultimately, I think my favorite things from the holiday come from the snarky side. Actually, they're both snarky AND cutesy, which describes my world perfectly. :-)
From Natalie Dee:
Hahahahahaha!
*snort*
And finally, back by popular demand...
Who wouldn't want to receive a shit bitch bear for V Day? I mean, come on!
Have a happy/snarky/angry one! ;-)
As much as I love the cutesy aspects, ultimately, I think my favorite things from the holiday come from the snarky side. Actually, they're both snarky AND cutesy, which describes my world perfectly. :-)
From Natalie Dee:
Hahahahahaha!
*snort*
And finally, back by popular demand...
Who wouldn't want to receive a shit bitch bear for V Day? I mean, come on!
Have a happy/snarky/angry one! ;-)
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Snowday #3
Along with most of the Midwest, I'm still hunkered down in my house, waiting for the great thaw to sweep through and put an end to Snowmaggedon's wrath. I did attempt to leave our building earlier this morning (after three days of confinement, I'm going a wee bit stir-crazy!), but my efforts were met with this:
Oh yes, the back door is blocked by a solid wall of snow and the front end of my car is entombed. Muthafuck!
Snowmaggedon has also brought back one of the most time-honored and seriously annoying traditions in this city:
For those of you who live in places that don't participate in this tomfoolery - yes, those chairs littering the street were put there deliberately. Many Chicagoans tend to think that shoveling out their car somehow means they now have dibs on the parking spot... on a public street. If you dare to move someone's crap out of the street, be prepared to have your tires slashed or your windows smashed. Although it's technically illegal, city officials turn a blind eye to this BS or will proclaim it to be "charming."
Fun stuff. Why do I still live here?!?
Anyway, since I do have some extra time (and need to keep myself busy before I snap), I can finally finish the post I started writing three weeks ago...
New design
I've been toying with various arrangements and templates over the last couple of months and I finally settled on a new layout. I wanted to get rid of the black background/white text combo (I loved it at first, but grew tired of it) - actually, I wanted to get rid of the black background all together, but after playing around with various color schemes, I decided to keep the background because it really complements my new (awesome!) header (compliments of Gwyn). If you're viewing this post through a reader, please click through and let me know what you think (well, unless you completely hate it) and/or if you notice something wonky. Also, I updated the blogroll - I removed all of the inactive blogs and added my newest reads. If I happened to miss your blog, please let me know!
New shoes
I must admit that I'm slightly embarrassed that I purchased something bearing the name Fergalicious; however, they're so bloody adorable and the combination of a sale and a coupon left me with total price of $10. I think they're particularly striking against my pasty skin. :-)
New hair
After six months of pulling up my hair into a clip on an almost daily basis (which really isn't a great look for me), I finally got off my butt and made an appointment a snooty salon and got an awesome haircut & highlights. I gave the colorist a little guidance, but for the most part, I let her go crazy... and my hair is now about three shades lighter than it's been during the last 20 years. I love it! It's all flippy and blond! I've always stayed in the auburn and brunette range - I'm really surprised at how much I love the lighter color.
I took this photo at the end of the day, so my hair is a little flatter than it normally is, but you get the general idea:
New self challenges
1) Books!
I'm tired of falling behind with my pleasure reading, so as an attempt to force myself to read more books (well, not that I really need an excuse to read, but recently I have reading way too much work-related stuff and far too little of my stuff), I decided to join the goodreads 2011 challenge. Since I'm one of those über-competitive people who cannot back down (or lose), I'm fully confident I'll make my goal (or else!). ;-)
2) Health/weight
Once I hit the 65lb mark, I hit a major plateau... I'm sure the three-week long oink fest I had over winter break didn't help matters. As a result, I've gained and lost the same six pounds twice over the last month and a half. Now, I'm way too close to reaching my goals to give up now (plus, there's that whole competitive streak), so I've decided I need to change things up for a bit. I'm going to do a mini cleanse again (nothing extreme - I've done this one a few times before) and challenge myself to find a new physical activity to incorporate into my routine. However, I'm not entirely sure what to do. Currently, I take zumba and kickboxing classes, and do a fair amount of hiking when the weather is decent. I used to take belly dancing classes and have also done pilates and strength boxing classes (I would add SB back in, but current schedule prevents me from taking it). M keeps encouraging me to start running, which I've considered, but honestly, I have zero interest in running in the snow/frigid temps and I hate, hate, hate running on a treadmill. I'll probably add in running once it warms up a little, but for now, I need something that is indoors (and doesn't involve a treadmill or elliptical - I get bored quickly and end up crapping out). I'm just not sure what to do...I need some suggestions!
New semester
Now it's time for the not-so-fun stuff.
Let me first just say that this new term has been a bitch... and not just a normal bitch. No, it has been an out-of-control, crazy, messy, I'm going to tear through your life and fuck everything up bitch of a term.
I was determined to start the new school with a positive attitude. I was a little grumpy about having to readjust to getting up early and jumping back into a busy schedule, but after three weeks of total freedom, I felt relaxed and ready to go into a new semester. My hair looked awesome, I had caught up on sleep, and I had prepped for all of my new classes before we left back in December, which guaranteed there wouldn't be a last minute rush. Sounds like a good way to start, right?
Well, three days before classes were due to start, we were called in for a faculty meeting....
Fifteen minutes after I walked into my office: Department Chair came in to tell me that one of my classes had been canceled and per new policy, I had to find a replacement (normally, we would just pick up more service hours). Oh, and that replacement class will have to be taken from an adjunct because there are no unstaffed classes left. Oh, and it will have to be a class you've never taught before because all of the sections of your usual classes are either already assigned to you or have been canceled.
*positive attitude deflated a tiny bit
Two hours later: The all-faculty meeting ended and we moved into our departmental breakout sessions. DC broke the bad news about class cancellations and then went down the entire list of who lost classes, how many, etc. With each announcement, the worry and anger became more and more evident on the adjuncts' faces. After he finished the cancellation list, he proceeded to pull out a second list - the adjuncts' classes that were shifted to full-time faculty. DC decided it was a good idea to announce the name of the class, who lost the class, and exactly which FT faculty member had to "take it away." WTF?!?
*positive attitude deflated a bit more
First day of school: The faculty log-in credentials had all been inactivated - no one could access any office or classroom computers. Oh, and the IT guy wasn't available to fix the problem because he was at home and not answering his phone. What about the other IT people? Oh, that's right, they were all laid off last fall. Mass chaos ensued.
*positive attitude deflated even more
A week into the term: We found out that our campus is moving to a new location. The move will take place in the middle of the fall term - during midterms week (great idea, right?). We also learned that with this move, the full-time faculty will lose their offices and be put in a cube farm with the adjuncts so that there's "no divide between the groups." Arrrrrggggg! What the hell? No divide?!? There is a friggin' divide - we have office hours, committees, service crap, advising duties (on top of the 4-5 classes we are required to teach). What kind of school doesn't have its faculty in offices?
*positive attitude? what?
Two weeks into the term: An unexpected all-staff meeting was called to tell us that Large College is having some major financial difficulties (far more than what they had previously led us to believe), along with some legal issues. As a result, there will be no merit raises, no faculty salary adjustments (accrediting body told them two years ago they had to pay us more - ha!), the tutoring center is being cut and full-time faculty will now be responsible for manning the center (oh, you mean during my half an hour lunch break between classes?), our teaching load is being increased, and we're moving to a new credit structure this fall (right around the same time we move).
*angry, hateful, disillusioned attitude has moved in
Is it time for winter break yet? :-(
Oh yes, the back door is blocked by a solid wall of snow and the front end of my car is entombed. Muthafuck!
Snowmaggedon has also brought back one of the most time-honored and seriously annoying traditions in this city:
Fun stuff. Why do I still live here?!?
Anyway, since I do have some extra time (and need to keep myself busy before I snap), I can finally finish the post I started writing three weeks ago...
New design
I've been toying with various arrangements and templates over the last couple of months and I finally settled on a new layout. I wanted to get rid of the black background/white text combo (I loved it at first, but grew tired of it) - actually, I wanted to get rid of the black background all together, but after playing around with various color schemes, I decided to keep the background because it really complements my new (awesome!) header (compliments of Gwyn). If you're viewing this post through a reader, please click through and let me know what you think (well, unless you completely hate it) and/or if you notice something wonky. Also, I updated the blogroll - I removed all of the inactive blogs and added my newest reads. If I happened to miss your blog, please let me know!
New shoes
I must admit that I'm slightly embarrassed that I purchased something bearing the name Fergalicious; however, they're so bloody adorable and the combination of a sale and a coupon left me with total price of $10. I think they're particularly striking against my pasty skin. :-)
New hair
After six months of pulling up my hair into a clip on an almost daily basis (which really isn't a great look for me), I finally got off my butt and made an appointment a snooty salon and got an awesome haircut & highlights. I gave the colorist a little guidance, but for the most part, I let her go crazy... and my hair is now about three shades lighter than it's been during the last 20 years. I love it! It's all flippy and blond! I've always stayed in the auburn and brunette range - I'm really surprised at how much I love the lighter color.
I took this photo at the end of the day, so my hair is a little flatter than it normally is, but you get the general idea:
New self challenges
1) Books!
I'm tired of falling behind with my pleasure reading, so as an attempt to force myself to read more books (well, not that I really need an excuse to read, but recently I have reading way too much work-related stuff and far too little of my stuff), I decided to join the goodreads 2011 challenge. Since I'm one of those über-competitive people who cannot back down (or lose), I'm fully confident I'll make my goal (or else!). ;-)
Once I hit the 65lb mark, I hit a major plateau... I'm sure the three-week long oink fest I had over winter break didn't help matters. As a result, I've gained and lost the same six pounds twice over the last month and a half. Now, I'm way too close to reaching my goals to give up now (plus, there's that whole competitive streak), so I've decided I need to change things up for a bit. I'm going to do a mini cleanse again (nothing extreme - I've done this one a few times before) and challenge myself to find a new physical activity to incorporate into my routine. However, I'm not entirely sure what to do. Currently, I take zumba and kickboxing classes, and do a fair amount of hiking when the weather is decent. I used to take belly dancing classes and have also done pilates and strength boxing classes (I would add SB back in, but current schedule prevents me from taking it). M keeps encouraging me to start running, which I've considered, but honestly, I have zero interest in running in the snow/frigid temps and I hate, hate, hate running on a treadmill. I'll probably add in running once it warms up a little, but for now, I need something that is indoors (and doesn't involve a treadmill or elliptical - I get bored quickly and end up crapping out). I'm just not sure what to do...I need some suggestions!
New semester
Now it's time for the not-so-fun stuff.
Let me first just say that this new term has been a bitch... and not just a normal bitch. No, it has been an out-of-control, crazy, messy, I'm going to tear through your life and fuck everything up bitch of a term.
I was determined to start the new school with a positive attitude. I was a little grumpy about having to readjust to getting up early and jumping back into a busy schedule, but after three weeks of total freedom, I felt relaxed and ready to go into a new semester. My hair looked awesome, I had caught up on sleep, and I had prepped for all of my new classes before we left back in December, which guaranteed there wouldn't be a last minute rush. Sounds like a good way to start, right?
Well, three days before classes were due to start, we were called in for a faculty meeting....
Fifteen minutes after I walked into my office: Department Chair came in to tell me that one of my classes had been canceled and per new policy, I had to find a replacement (normally, we would just pick up more service hours). Oh, and that replacement class will have to be taken from an adjunct because there are no unstaffed classes left. Oh, and it will have to be a class you've never taught before because all of the sections of your usual classes are either already assigned to you or have been canceled.
*positive attitude deflated a tiny bit
Two hours later: The all-faculty meeting ended and we moved into our departmental breakout sessions. DC broke the bad news about class cancellations and then went down the entire list of who lost classes, how many, etc. With each announcement, the worry and anger became more and more evident on the adjuncts' faces. After he finished the cancellation list, he proceeded to pull out a second list - the adjuncts' classes that were shifted to full-time faculty. DC decided it was a good idea to announce the name of the class, who lost the class, and exactly which FT faculty member had to "take it away." WTF?!?
*positive attitude deflated a bit more
First day of school: The faculty log-in credentials had all been inactivated - no one could access any office or classroom computers. Oh, and the IT guy wasn't available to fix the problem because he was at home and not answering his phone. What about the other IT people? Oh, that's right, they were all laid off last fall. Mass chaos ensued.
*positive attitude deflated even more
A week into the term: We found out that our campus is moving to a new location. The move will take place in the middle of the fall term - during midterms week (great idea, right?). We also learned that with this move, the full-time faculty will lose their offices and be put in a cube farm with the adjuncts so that there's "no divide between the groups." Arrrrrggggg! What the hell? No divide?!? There is a friggin' divide - we have office hours, committees, service crap, advising duties (on top of the 4-5 classes we are required to teach). What kind of school doesn't have its faculty in offices?
*positive attitude? what?
Two weeks into the term: An unexpected all-staff meeting was called to tell us that Large College is having some major financial difficulties (far more than what they had previously led us to believe), along with some legal issues. As a result, there will be no merit raises, no faculty salary adjustments (accrediting body told them two years ago they had to pay us more - ha!), the tutoring center is being cut and full-time faculty will now be responsible for manning the center (oh, you mean during my half an hour lunch break between classes?), our teaching load is being increased, and we're moving to a new credit structure this fall (right around the same time we move).
*angry, hateful, disillusioned attitude has moved in
Is it time for winter break yet? :-(
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