10eleven

Dear 2012

2012-02-07T20:52:00.000-06:00

Dear 2012:

Judging by recent blog and facebook posts, I know I'm not the only one thinking it: as of now, you are straight up sucking. Yes, I said you suck. In fact, not only do you suck, you blow chunks and you stink.

While 2011 ended on fairly good note, you plunged into suckitude only five days into the year. It started with M's job news and just a day later, you added another layer of fun: a big, fat lawsuit at my school. Oh, 2012, really? Don't you realize that I was already in a straight up hate relationship with Large College? Did you really think that things like the horrid schedule, supportive/hostile administrators, and crappy pay weren't enough? Ugh. Well, kudos to you as you really figured out how to kick it up a notch. Things at LC have turned into a shitstorm. The students are confused and angry. Faculty members are all angry and annoyed. The admins are frantically trying to do damage control. Fun times.

Oh, but the fun didn't stop with the work news. Noooo, you just had to extend your suckitude into our personal lives with the whole M's father had to have emergency surgery situation. Thankfully, it was only his appendix and things went well, but unfortunately, as I'm sure you're well aware of, there's also a fourteen-year-old girl in the mix (aka M's sister). Yes, I'm referring to the fourteen-year-old sister who cannot live on her own/the one whose mother's rights were terminated after that previous super crappy situation. After some stress and schedule shuffling, we were able to work things out, but let me just reiterate how scary and not fun it was for everyone involved.

Not only did you decide you were going to cause problems with M's family, you thought it would be best if you paid a visit to mine as well. My cousin emailed me a few weeks ago to let me know that P moved in with her daughter and is selling my grandfather's house. She also cleared everything out the house, including photos (which my cousin snagged), my grandmother's wedding dress, and a host of crafty things that my mother and grandmother made together. Of course, as you already know, I was not contacted by P or her daughter about this decision, despite the fact that they both knew I wanted a few of my grandmother's things. Oh, and let's not forget about the fact that I'm named in my grandfather's will and am supposed to receive half of the proceeds from the sale of the house. Sound familiar? Yeah. Well, guess what? I have been unable to reach them as my grandfather's phone was shut off and P's daughter's cell number was changed. Obviously, none of that is important, right 2012?

I'm sure you realize by now that I am teetering on the edge, as my health, fitness, and sanity have all retreated to ugly places. I really, really do not want to return to the blahs of 2011, but you are making it damn hard. Oy.

I suppose I do need to give you credit for a few things though. The month of January did have a few highlights, including an awesome Prince tribute concert and an incredible meal I shared with D at Roy's. It also ended on a high note when I had the opportunity to see the man I have christened The Hotness (aka Lenny Kravitz) in person. I had a fabulous night and ushered in February on a high of hotness pheromones. I don't know if you were just trying to throw me a bone or what, but it was a lovely way to end the month after almost four solid weeks of crappiness.

Thus far, I haven't been overly impressed with February, but you've managed to not add any further catastrophes to the mix, so I'll hold off on any further criticisms for the moment. You and I both know that I'm still trying to deal with/resolve much of what happened in January, so it's not like I have much brain power or energy to spare anyway.

So, 2012, how about if we make a deal? If you give me more awesome things like this:

and less of the suckitude, I'll just pretend like January never happened and will stop telling everyone that you stink. I think that sounds like a fair deal, right? Please think it over and get back to me soon.

Sincerely,
Comebacknikki

Fuck

2012-01-05T17:13:00.000-06:00

M's boss just told him that they're cutting him from five days p/week to three days p/week due to budgetary issues. UGGGGGHHHHH! While I know this isn't the worst news possible, it's still pretty bad. Can't he catch a damn break?!? He just got to the point in which he was out of his depression and feeling normal again. FUCK! Wasn't the almost two years of unemployment enough?? :-(

2011

2012-01-04T13:14:00.001-06:00

I'm not entirely sure what to make of 2011. In some ways, it was extraordinarily hard: M started off the year jobless & in a deep depression, I hit a new low at Large College, realized someone I thought was a close friend really wasn't, and struggled with my workouts (which led to gaining back 10 lbs!). But in other ways, it was lovely: M got a temporary job that turned into a permanent job (that he loves!), I took a few fabulous mini trips, made some very positive decisions about what I want out of life, and formed a closer friendship with D (who is so much fun).

click to embiggen

Overall, 2011 was filled with both amazing highs and ugly lows (thankfully, it was heavier on the good near the end of the year). While it wasn't the worst year ever, I was happy to see it go... I am so ready for the fabulous-ness of 2012! :-)

Merry!

2011-12-23T21:44:00.000-06:00

Happy Christmakwanzakah to all of my lovely readers!

I'll be back next week, once I recover from the festivities and the ridiculous number of eggnog cupcakes and Asian pear martinis I've managed to consume (whoops).

Have a good one! :-)

Makes me unhappy

2011-12-20T07:49:00.001-06:00

1. Sour candy is almost as bad for your teeth as battery acid. Are you fucking kidding me? The Sour Patch Kids gang and I have been entangled in a torrid affair since the mid-90's. That is straight up bogus!

2. Michael Stipe exposes his penis on tumblr (NSFW, duh). There are some things in life you should not see/you cannot unsee. A very hairy and naked Michael Stipe is one of those things.

Vicious pen

2011-12-19T18:13:00.000-06:00

From one of my English 101 student evaluations:
"I quickly realized I wasn’t as good of a writer as I thought thanks to Professor [Comebacknikki] and her vicious pen."

Ha! I think that should be the new tagline on my CV.

Awkward

2011-12-19T06:37:00.000-06:00

It's hot as hell in our apartment, thanks to our ever-running amazonian radiator, so I spend quite a bit of time in little tank tops and shorts. I didn't think about my choice/lack of clothing when the UPS delivery guy rang the buzzer... nor did I think about it as I ran down the stairs sans bra to meet him... nor did I think about it when the cold air hit and the high beams came on. Oh, but I did finally think about it when I realized that the substitute delivery driver who was wearing a goofy grin and had his laser eyes trained on my braless/high beamed chest was actually one of my students.

Awesome.

Freedom!

2011-12-15T17:53:00.001-06:00

The essays, portfolios, and exams have all been read, final grades have been submitted, and the students have been sent on their merry way (well, there were a few who were not so merry... perhaps if they wanted to stay merry, they would have actually submitted their final essays, right?).

I'm starting off the break with a main/pedi appointment tonight. Tomorrow afternoon, I'm meeting up with Beebs and heading down to a hotel on the Mag Mile for a mini-girls getaway. We're planning to hit up the Christkindlmarket (all sorts of crazy mulled alcohol & German food) and the various other holiday events in the area. We'll then brave the crowds of overstimulated tourists on Saturday for some power shopping. Later on that evening, there's a holiday party and then Sunday is M's guitar class recital.

It has been a rough year at Large College and I am sooo glad it's finally time for some fun!

Whoo-hoooooo! :-)

Email of the day

2011-12-14T19:16:00.003-06:00

Hello Ms. [Comebacknikki]:

I regret to inform you that I will not be able to come to class to take the final today. I am at the moment in a police department trying to make it clear to several people here that I am not the [Juan] THEY are looking for. There are several problems that I need to clear and I'm not sure if am going to be out by class time let alone travel all the way to school. I may even end up in jail if THEY don't get everything sorted out. Thank you and I apologize for any inconvenience.
________________________

Well, I guess that's one way to get out of taking the final... though probably not one I would recommend to any other students. ;-)

That time of the year again

2011-12-07T12:27:00.000-06:00

I had almost the exact same conversation with a student this morning. Oy.

One more week to go...

NoMo NaBloPoMo

2011-11-30T22:04:00.000-06:00

Goodbye, November.
Goodbye, NaBloPoMo.

This was my fifth year of NaBloPoMo and surprisingly, the easiest. Posting every day this month definitely got me back into my blogging groove and reminded me of one of the most important reasons why I blog... because I like doing it. I like having a space where I can rant, discuss, get feedback, and be silly when I feel like it. I enjoy writing and taking part in the many conversations that arise on this blog and others. I like being part of your lives and having you in mine.

Although I don't plan to continue to post every day (the weekend posting always sucks), I do plan to try to keep up as much as I can during the weekdays over the next month or so. As I mentioned earlier this year, I've started a new food blog - while I haven't yet opened it to the public, I've written quite a few posts and plan to move to blogging over there exclusively at the beginning of the year. However, before I make that move, I want to finish the posts I started writing over here (they're still hanging out in my draft graveyard). I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with this space in the future, but I am certain that I'm ready for a change.

As nerdy as this sounds, the end of NaBloPoMo always signals to me the kick-off to the holiday season. I am so ready for all things peppermint, fun holiday parties, and lovely days spent with M and my friends. Here's to two more weeks of the (wretched) semester and an awesome December! :-)

Paperclip war

2011-11-29T07:26:00.006-06:00

Dear Small College Adjunct Office-mate who decided you had nothing better to do during your office hours than to make a gigantic paperclip chain with every last paperclip in our shared paperclip bowl:

You are an asshole.

PS: That MLA guidebook you've been using? Yes, the one from 2002? Yeah, it's way outdated. Get with the program.

PPS: I got sick of fighting with your stupid chain every time I needed a paperclip, so I finally dismantled it. If you hook all of the paperclips together again, I will ram the chain down your fucking throat. :-)

Last week in shoes

2011-11-28T23:08:00.000-06:00

Bottom left: Crown Vintage Button flats (x3). Yes, again. Obviously, I'm having a bit of a torrid love affair with these flats. However, as much as I love them, last week was most likely the end of the flats until spring. The weather changed from end-of-fall-chilly to cold-and-rainy-about-to-snow-ick; hence my transition from flats at the beginning of the week to boots at the end.

Top left: Crown Vintage Roosevelt boots (x2). I found these boots at DSW last winter and they quickly became my favorite boots ever. They're so comfortable and they look fabulous with just about anything. As much as I'm lamenting the end of the fall (and all its loveliness), I have to admit that I'm excited to break into my cold weather boot collection.

Top right: ACICS Trail Runners (x3). My standard gym shoes.

Bottom left: Nike Flex Cross Trainers. These are my other gym shoes (and my favorite). They're perfect for activities in which you need a lot of flexibility or don't want drag (especially during dance classes). I usually wear them for rowing and zumba.

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Last week in shoes 1
Last week in shoes 2
Last week in shoes 3

Yum

2011-11-27T23:23:00.004-06:00

Oh, David. Yum.

I came across this on Pinterest the other day... it's just too beautiful not to share. ;-)

BTW - if any of you are on Pinterest (or want to be), send me an email and I'll direct you to my profile (I won't like to it here because it's under my real name). My boards are filled with awesome food and shoe porn, beautiful clothes, mustaches and pugs galore, and lots of yummy people!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-26T22:02:00.000-06:00

It was a lovely day. ;-)

Black Friday

2011-11-25T07:10:00.003-06:00

Although I love to shop, I abhor Black Friday. What was once a day of fun holiday shopping has turned into a disgusting display of rampant capitalism and greediness. Don't get me wrong - I love to give and get presents just as much as the next person. I just hate how Black Friday seems to give people a free pass to act like complete savages. It's absolutely ridiculous.

My Black Friday will involve zero crowds, fights, or madness. I'm meeting up with Beebs soon for a two-hour Cardio Dance Party (an hour of cardio bellydancing and an hour of boxing) at a local dance studio. The afternoon will include some quality time with my DVR. Later in the evening, M and I are meeting up with some friends for Thanksgiving leftovers, drinks, and games (I have to add back all of those calories I burned off during my morning workout!). I think my version of Black Friday is way more fun than any one that involves getting elbowed and stepped on by the unshowered masses at Walmart. :-)

Gobble!

2011-11-24T06:54:00.002-06:00

Book meme

2011-11-23T06:15:00.000-06:00

I was tagged for this meme back in 2007 (when they were still all the rage). I started it, but never got around to finishing. I don't even remember who tagged me, but if you're still around... well, it took me four years, but I finally did it! :-)

What was the last book you bought?
Seeing as I'm trying to reduce the obscene number of unread books I own, I've placed a moratorium on book buying. Of course, I've been unable to completely stick to that, but I've only slipped up once. The last book I bought was a copy of The Gatecrasher a few months ago (it was only $1 for a new copy, so I didn't feel too bad!); it was a fun read, but definitely not Sophie Kinsella's best.

Name a book you have read MORE than once.
I used to constantly reread books, but I notice myself doing it less and less the older I get. There are just so many new books to read and new ideas to discover! However, there is one I will always go back to - The Catcher in the Rye. It's an old, comfortable friend whose familiarity can take me back to a different place in my life; it's also one of the few books in which I always get something new out of it every time I read it. I'm not sure exactly how many times I've read it - probably close to 30.

Has a book ever changed the way you see life?
Yes, and that's part of why I love books so much! Here are my top ten:
The Catcher in the Rye
The Handmaid's Tale
Possessing the Secret of Joy
The Secret Life of Bees
Shopgirl
The Namesake
Unaccustomed Earth
Three Junes
Atonement
Body Surfing

How do you choose a book? (e.g. by cover design and summary, recommendations or reviews).
I choose most of my books by the summary or by recommendation (although it always depends on who those recommendations are from - I usually only take them from people I know/trust their taste). I rarely read reviews before I read any book because I don't want to know any more about it than what is in the summary; plus, I don't want my opinion to be tainted before getting into the story. If I'm not completely sold after reading the summary, I'll often open the book and read a random paragraph in order to see whether or not I like the author's style.

Do you prefer Fiction or Non-Fiction?
I like both, but I mostly read fiction. My non-fiction reading almost always consists of memoirs/biographies.

Which book or books can be found on your nightstand at the moment?
I'm very much a one book at a time reader, so there's only one hanging out on my nightstand: Fly Away Home (which I picked up last year right before An Evening of Badassedness).

What was the last book you’ve read, and when was it?
I'm still reading Fly Away Home, but it will be the last book I've read as of this weekend. Before that, I read The Kept Man (strangely beautiful).

Genius

2011-11-22T06:19:00.010-06:00

Those of you who've been around for a while may remember my certified genius student from 2007. Due to a series of ~~fuck-ups~~ events involving an audit, misplaced paperwork, and ~~a completely incompetent~~ an eccentric former departmental assistant, I only recently received my class evaluations from that semester. While the evaluations are anonymous, it's usually not too hard to figure out who wrote what, especially in this case...

Basically, I didn't learn anything because I'm a genius and was already a well above-average writer. This class was a waste of my time because I'm a genius. It only served to confirm what I already knew: I'm a genius. Rinse and repeat.

I emailed my professor at the beginning of the term to see if I could finish all of the work in 2 weeks. I was rebuffed. Although I understand why, I feel I could have produced just as high a quality of works in two weeks that I did in 16 weeks. My papers all received strong As in all cases, from a very knowledgeable evaluator, even though most were begun and written within hours of being due. I do not recall starting any papers any sooner than during my lunch break at work on the day they were due. How can there be improvement when I am already getting 95s-100s on all my papers that only take me 45 minutes to write? I sit down, I write, and I produce far above-average work with minimal effort. All in all it has been a very frustrating semester because I am far above even the highest students in the class. While I enjoyed my professor and her razor-sharp wit, I don't feel the class was suited for the likes of me.

Awesome.

Magic Eye

2011-11-21T22:00:00.000-06:00

Is there anyone else out there who can't do the Magic Eye puzzles? I can never see the damn hidden images, even when they're pointed out to me. M loves them and finds it hilarious that I can't ever get them to work (of course, he always has to show off his superior Magic Eye intellect). I'm not the only one with this impairment, right?

Last week in shoes

2011-11-21T06:19:00.001-06:00

click to embiggen

Top left: Born Susy Mary Janes (x4 - it was a crazy week & I didn't have much time to plan outfits). These have become my go-to shoes when I don't have time to/don't want to think about my other choices.

Top right: Sugar Party Girl Plaid Flats (black version of these). I picked them up for $10 at a going out of business shoe store sale over the summer. They fit perfectly back then, but I had to wait until it cooled off to wear them (wool does not mix well with the hot weather) - unfortunately, they're now just a little too big (weight loss = shrinking feet). :-(

Bottom row: Merona zebra flats. I am so in love with these shoes! I found them at a consignment store a few weeks ago (brand new!) - not only are they totally adorable, they were also such a steal at $5! You can tell how excited I am by my excessive use of exclamation points!

I also wore the same gym shoes as last week, but they're not very exciting, so they don't get to be in the photo this time.

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Last week in shoes 1
Last week in shoes 2

Dear Hipsters:

2011-11-20T22:53:00.000-06:00

Wearing the same plastic frames I sported back in 1990, not washing your hair, and pretending that you're completely broke while living off of your healthy trust fund does not make you cool. I'm just sayin'.

P.S. Stop leaving your oh so ironic Pabst Blue Ribbon cans all over the alley.
P.P.S. Please move the fuck out of my neighborhood. Thankyouverymuch.

More puppy!

2011-11-19T17:38:00.000-06:00

I'm still exhausted, thanks to a combination of a crazy week and a lingering respiratory virus (if I didn't know better, I would swear I had mono - well, more like a dumbed down version of mono). As a result, you get another puppy video (which really isn't all that bad, right?). I will admit that depending on my mood, this one will occasionally bring me to tears. It's just so sweet. :-)

New puppy at daycare

2011-11-18T23:08:00.002-06:00

Oh, this makes me so happy. :-)

Day 17

2011-11-17T22:54:00.000-06:00

Dear NaBloPoMo:

While I'm still in this for the long haul, I have to admit that you're totally kicking my ass this week. After thirty-two hours of teaching and ten hours of student conferences, I am completely exhausted. Oh, and I'm not talking about the normal end of the week exhaustion - it's so deep that I don't even want to go to my facial tomorrow morning. Yes, I would rather sit at home than get pampered. It's just that bad.

I promise that I will resume posting more than just filler once I recover from my exhaustion, but until then, this is all you're going to get. Thank you very much.

-CBN

Today...

2011-11-16T22:57:00.000-06:00

1. Taught classes from 10am - 4:00pm (with a 1/2 hour lunch break).
2. Held student conferences from 5:00pm - 10:00pm (5 hours of 15 minute conferences... no breaks in between).

I get to do it all again tomorrow.

I am far too smart and cute for this BS.

Sigh.

Stellar

2011-11-15T22:56:00.000-06:00

Almost three weeks after I posted essay grades on Blackboard, I received an email from a student requesting a meeting to "disscuss why you failed my paper." He hadn't been back to class since I had posted grades so I hadn't yet had the chance to give the ol' plagiarism is a serious offense/I found your paper on this website/why did you do it?/you suck talk. His was an obvious case of plagiarism (the entire paper was copied word for word from an essay mill site) and while I knew the conversation would be slightly uncomfortable & unpleasant, I didn't quite expect it to go like it did...

E: Why did you give me a zero on the paper? I worked really hard on it.
Me: Well, E, the reason you received a zero is because your essay wasn't written by you... essay site... plagiarism... blah, blah, blah.

E stares at me with a dumbfounded look on his face.

Me: E, why did you copy the essay? Not only did you receive an F on this paper, but you've also put your chances of passing the course in serious jeopardy.
E: I can't believe he did that...
Me: Excuse me?

E shakes head, pounds his fist on the table, and makes some weird grumbling noises.

Me: Um, E? Why did you copy the essay? What happened?
E: I can't believe he fucking did that!!
Me: Excuse me??
E: I didn't copy the paper, professor. My brother did. I was really busy at work and didn't have time to write the paper, so I asked him to write it for me. That asshole just copied it from the internet. Can I rewrite the paper? Because like I said, I didn't actually copy it. It's all his fault.

Me: *crickets*

Me: So, you're saying that you asked your brother to do YOUR assignment and because he copied it from an essay site, you should be able to redo the assignment? [said both incredulously and sarcastically, but in the nicest way possible]
E: I'm not the one who plagiarized!! Why should I be punished?
Me: Again, you're asking me to give you special consideration because you tried to cheat, but the cheater cheated and that's not your fault? [said in exasperation & not quite as nicely]
E: I don't get it. This is so not fair.

Repeat plagiarism talk and subsequent explanation of why he was in the (double) wrong. E is still pissed and pouty when he leaves my office.

*bangs head on desk*

Last week in shoes

2011-11-14T15:49:00.001-06:00

(click to embiggen photo)

Top row: Crown Vintage Button Flats. I am seriously in love with these flats - they are so adorable and they go with just about anything. I actually wore them four times last week (I just couldn't find any other pair in my wardrobe that looked as cute with each outfit as the flats did!). I love them so much that I'm even contemplating purchasing a pair in gray.

Bottom left: ASICS Trail runners. They're one of my standard pairs of workout shoes (for running & some other high impact cardio classes).

Bottom right: They're Skechers and they're covered in rhinestones and other sparkly bits. M thinks they're hilarious, but I love them. They're so fun... shiny and glitzy! :-)
_____________________

Last week in shoes 1

Squee!

2011-11-13T23:50:00.001-06:00

OMG! Pug puppies! AHHHHHHHHH! :-)

Click on the photo to see the magic happen! :-)

Fun stuff on the 'net

2011-11-12T17:54:00.000-06:00

1. It's no longer Halloween, but I still love this video. So freakin' awesome!

2. Suri's Burn Book. Who knew Suri Cruise was such a sassy, witty little gal? I especially love her contempt for Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Jennifer Garner's crew.

3. The Concerns of Mindy Kaling. Mindy Kaling is just crazy awesome - I so want to be her BFF! :-)

4. The Crossing (Abbey Road camera). There's really nothing like the dumbasses who try to reenact The Beatles' album cover during high traffic times. WTF is wrong with people?!

5. Awesome People Reading. Really, does this need an explanation? Oh, and how hot is this? Wow.

11:11

2011-11-11T11:11:00.004-06:00

The superstition is that if you look at a clock and the time reads 11:11 then you should make a wish. Despite the fact that my mother was a fairly superstitious person, I somehow missed out on learning about 11:11 wishes until I met Ex during my freshman year of college. Ex was a firm believer in 11:11 and delighted in making & reminding me to make wishes; while I'm not a believer in superstitions, I would make a wish just for the fun of it (and to please Ex). It was very sweet and is one of the few nice things from our relationship that stuck with me.

I haven't seen Ex since the end of '99 and we've had limited contact since then (a handful of emails), but on this 11:11 superday, Ex is on my mind. We had a drawn out, messy breakup that contributed to some ugliness that led to a mental breakdown. Shortly after that happened, I decided it was wise to limit our communication - our interactions seemed to only cause Ex more pain and would leave me frustrated and irritated. I don't remember when we last emailed (maybe two years ago?), but I do know from the small interactions we've had that Ex has become quite biting and cynical over the years. I don't know if Ex still makes wishes when the clock flips to 11:11, but I do hope that's one thing that wasn't abandoned in the abyss of depression.

SJK: wherever you are, I hope that 11:11 on 11.11.11 is just as magical as ever.

For my fellow perfectionists...

2011-11-10T23:04:00.001-06:00

Friendships (part one)

2011-11-09T22:03:00.000-06:00

I've made a concerted effort over the last six months to keep myself out of the woe is me sinkhole by clearing some mental clutter. I made some huge strides with this last year and then fell back into a funk at the beginning of this year - part of it had to do with M's unemployment and my various job woes, but there was an even larger part that had to do with my need for perfection and the pressure I was putting on myself to fix everything that I perceived as being wrong with my life. I finally did some mental ass-kicking and decided that it was time for me to either start addressing some of the clutter in my head or just let it go if it really wasn't worth the time or effort.

As part of my quest to reclaim some mental space, I decided to finally bite the bullet and contact a former friend to apologize. Former friend had been taking up a small space in my head for the last fifteen years - while our friendship wasn't something that I constantly thought about, random things would remind me of her at unexpected times. As soon as thoughts of her would come to the forefront, I would instantly start obsessing about how to fix a situation from so many years ago.

Thoughts of FF had intensified over the past two years all thanks to facebook. She friended me two years ago - it was first time I'd had any communication with her since 1999. I immediately accepted her friend request and waited for her to make the first move. I was scared to say anything to her because honestly, I wasn't sure of her intentions. We had been fast friends in college; we initially bonded over our shared hatred of our school cafeteria work-study jobs and quickly discovered how much we had in common. I was thrilled to have her in my life, especially considering how horrible my suitemates were to me (oh, that's a lovely story for another day). Long story short, I eventually got caught up in some insecurities and other BS and ended up doing some shitty things to her. In return, she spread some horrible gossip about me (some of which was partially true). It was an ugly end to a lovely friendship (complete with a screaming match - it was a massive falling out). She ended up leaving the school six months later, but we never had a clean break, as we had several mutual friends and she would often visit the campus.

A few hours after I accepted her friend request, she sent me a friendly message. She wanted to know when I had moved to Chicago and if I still was in touch with a few of our mutual friends. She mentioned she was excited to see I was teaching, as she remembered when we were in education classes together. She gave me a brief update on her life (living in Chicago 'burbs, married, kids, back in school) and said that we should get together.

There was nothing in her message that indicated she was still angry or was holding a grudge, but something just didn't feel right to me. I finally realized it was because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed by what I had done to her and embarrassed by the way everything went down. I was embarrassed that so many years had passed with me addressing the issue or apologizing. I knew I needed to say something to her about what had happened (if only for my sake), but I just didn't know what to say. So I didn't say anything... for almost two years.

Yes, I ignored her message for almost two bloody years. The longer I ignored her message, the worse I felt. Why couldn't I just move past my own stupid embarrassment (and pride) and apologize? Why couldn't I just send her a damn reply? It's not like she was asking for an apology - hell, she hadn't even mentioned anything about it. I mentally crafted and recrafted response after response, but I just wasn't able to move past that stage... until a few months ago.

I finally got sick of my own craziness and sat down and typed out a long reply. I explained to her why it took me almost two years to answer her message and what I was dealing with and hiding while I was in college (an extreme case of insecurity, mixed with two very horrible suitemates, along with a dying grandmother and father, as well as an overwhelming feeling of not being in control of anything in my life, and a slight eating disorder). I also sincerely apologized for what I had done to her - I really was a selfish, mean bitch (it's amazing how much perspective you gain over fifteen years).

As soon as I sent the message, I felt a sense of relief. Whether or not she accepted my apology, I had finally cleared some space in my head. I had finally moved past something that had been holding me back for years. While it hadn't affected me on a daily basis, it was still one of those things that I had been carrying around (unnecessarily) for years.

FF replied to my message the next day:
"Please, don't be embarrassed and thank you, but it was not necessary! Honestly, I forgot about it years ago! I've been told that you have to forgive in order to move forward, we were teenagers caught up in being away from home, in new surroundings and having to find ourselves as individuals.....shit happens. I love seeing all of your pictures and I've always wondered what you were up to - I've missed you!!!! I loved being around you and if you were that unhappy back then, you covered it well. I had no idea. I would have been so happy to listen... however, the past is just that and there is no reason to dwell on it!"

I sobbed after I read the first paragraph of her reply. It wasn't so much what she said, but more the fact that something I had dwelled upon for so many years had finally ended... and it was such a simple fix. All I had to do was apologize, but I was embarrassed to even bring up the past and scared of how she might react. I also didn't know exactly what to say - the perfectionist in my head said that everything had to be perfect because I only had one shot to get it right (and of course, a simple "I'm sorry" just wasn't good enough). Once again, I was the one who had kept myself from moving forward.

While I don't know if we'll ever be friends again, I'm so glad that I finally contacted her and said what should have been said all those years ago. As I mentioned last year, I don't want to be one of those people who carries a ridiculous amount of mental baggage (especially when it comes to things I can do something about). Whether you realize it or not, that baggage (both large and small) weighs you down and affects your overall quality of life. It's actually really amazing how freeing it can feel to finally address those seemingly insignificant parts of your past.

Email of the day

2011-11-08T22:56:00.000-06:00

HI Ms. [Comebacknikki]:
I have strep throat and really don't want to miss class tonight. Wanted to see what you thought I should do. My doctor told me I'm contagious for the first 24 hours of initial treatment and should stay home. So wanted to see if I should come sit in the back of the class in a corner so that I don't breathe on anyone. Or if I should come and get the assignments and homework from you then leave. I'm not sure what would be the safest and best thing to do . Please just let me know what you think I should do?
Thanks!
______________

The reply in my head went something like this...

OMG, you are contagious! You really think that I would to advise you to come to class after your doctor told you to stay home? REALLY?!? Stay away, germbucket!

Oy.

Last week in shoes

2011-11-07T22:46:00.003-06:00

This is a feature I wanted to incorporate during last year's round of NaBloPoMo, but then I screwed up my heel on a hiking trip, so my shoe selection was severely limited. This year? Oh, it's on, baby! :-)

(click to embiggin photos)

Top left: from the Clarks Artisan collection - I think they came out four or five years ago. I love them because they're very comfortable and can easily be dressed up (oh, and look at the sweet little flower details!); however, I rarely wear them because I have so many pairs of black Mary Janes.

Top right: Keen Harvest MJ II. They are my newest acquisition & my current favorites - they're just so much fun!

Bottom left: Double strap Clark Mary Jane heels. They look a bit more brown in the pic than they really are - they're more of dark maroon. The bloody leg was for a Halloween party. :-)

Top left: patent leather Born Susy Mary Janes. I picked them up on clearance at DSW during the summer and just got around to wearing them for the first time last week. They are super-cute (I love patent leather!) and super comfortable. Win!

Top right: purple suede Aerosoles. I love high heel shoes, but I cannot wear ones with little skinny heels; they have to have some support & stability (I have terrible balance). Aerosoles are perfect - they are made for walking (which is important for those of us in the city) and there are so many cute styles.

Bottom left: Merrell Encore Mary Janes (canvas). They're not the most exciting shoes, but they're great for running errands. They were the only shoes I wore all weekend, as I was confined to the house Friday-Sunday (thanks to a nasty respiratory virus). I did manage to escape for two hours for a quick trip to the post office and Target, which was really, really exciting (I was going stir crazy!).

As you can clearly see, I love Mary Janes! I swear I have other styles, but I will admit that the majority of my non-wintery shoes are MJs. However, I didn't realize until now that I wear MJs almost every day of the week... but then again, I have to get them all in now because soon it will be cold and time for boots, boots, and more boots. Also, you may notice my lack of gym shoes. Nasty virus kept me cooped up in the house and from working out all week - ugh! I went back to the gym tonight, so next week's edition will include some of my gym shoe options (which really aren't all that exciting - I rotate between two pairs)... at least they're not Mary Janes though. :-)

Grading jail

2011-11-06T20:43:00.000-06:00

Q: What's worse than being stuck in grading jail on Sunday night?
A: Being stuck in grading jail on Sunday night while you're sick.

Q: What's even worse than being stuck in grading jail on Sunday night while you're sick?
A. Being stuck in grading jail on Sunday night while you're sick after you had to cancel an awesome weekend hiking trip (potentially the last of the year) because of said illness.

Fuckity fuck. Argumentative essays, blah blah blah.

I write like...

2011-11-05T22:57:00.000-05:00

Part of clearing out my draft graveyard during NaBloPoMo involves cycling through all of the memes I was tagged for at one time or another (this was from early 2010)...

I write like
Margaret Atwood

I Write Like by Mémoires, journal software. Analyze your writing!

While in no way do I think I write like Margaret Atwood, I'm pleased to see her name because as I've said before, she is a rock star!

Concert Meme: Updated!

2011-11-04T21:59:00.001-05:00

It's something I usually update every year, but somehow missed pushing out the 2010 version. Sadly, I haven't been to many shows this year, but at least the few I've made it to thus far were quite awesome.

1996
Melissa Etheridge

1998
Savage Garden
80s Rewind Tour: Culture Club/Howard Jones/Human League

1999
Counting Crows
Luscious Jackson/Smashmouth

2000
Fiona Apple

2001
Prince
Bitch & Animal/Ani DiFranco

2002
Siouxsie and the Banshees
Alanis Morissette

2004
Rasputina
Siouxsie
Prince
Prince - again!

2005
Alanis Morissette/Jason Mraz
Fiona Apple

2006
Beth Orton
Yo Yo Ma

2007
Dar Williams
Christine Kane
Fiona Apple
Rufus Wainwright
Sonya Kitchell/Judy Collins/Dar Willams

2008
Natasha Bedingfield/New Kids on the Block
Alanis Morissette

2009
Morrissey
Indigo Girls

2010
John Mayer/Michael Franti
Lilith Fair: Vedera, Melissa McClelland, Kate Nash, Court Yard Hounds, Heart, Mary J. Blige & Sarah McLachlan
Counting Crows
Train
Indigo Girls

2011
Sarah & Friends: Sarah McLachlan, Butterfly Boucher & Melissa McClelland
Maroon 5

Paul Oakenfold/Paul van Dyk/R3hab

Thanks... I think?

2011-11-03T21:10:00.011-05:00

From one of my summer research methods course student evaluations:

"I learned so much about research and writing in this class. However I have to say that as a man, I found her big boobs to be slightly distracting during lectures. Now I don't mean this in a bad way, cause what straight man doesn't love big boobs? Professor [comebacknikki] taught me that I should say things directly and assertively in order make a point, but to not be offensive. I hope this isn't offensive, but rather an indication of my appreciation. I wouldn't write this if it weren't anonymous, so I guess I'm not as assertive as I think, but still... big boobs are both hot and distracting, FWIW"

Three

2011-11-02T23:03:00.002-05:00

While I was absent from bloggy-land...

1. I hit my seven year blogiversary (9/22)! Yes, I've officially been blogging for seven years now. Wow. That is a lot of comebacknikki! The last time I really marked my blogiversary was year five - since then, I've lost a second grader (plus a kindergartener or two), met a few more awesome bloggers, traveled to two new states (Texas & New York), fed my hiking addiction, traveled around the Midwest to visit various friends, weathered the extremely unpleasant unemployment storm with M for almost two years (thankfully, that came to end this past April), strengthened my relationship with M (although things aren't 100%, we've really made huge strides and moved past so many of those issues that plagued us a few years ago), and worked through some heavy issues from my past. Yay for the last seven years! :-)

2. I hit my twelve year Chicago-versary in September. I moved here from Wisconsin a few months after graduation in order to complete my student teaching semester. When that semester ended (five of the hardest months of my life), I was offered a position at that school, and met M a few weeks later. I never intended to stay in Chicago long-term, but I also never had any definite plans to leave (meeting M definitely made me want to stay). Twelve years later, I'm so glad that I'm still around - Chicago isn't perfect and I still have a severe case of wanderlust, but I live in a fantastic neighborhood, have a fabulous group of friends, and generally love my life here. Of course, I wouldn't protest one bit if I could take the awesome parts of my life here and transplant it all to San Fran or Seattle...

3. I had a birthday. I usually do a birthday post, but I've officially hit the age in which I'm going to stop counting - in fact, I'm subtracting two years and rolling back to 32, which is a safe, happy age. ;-) Next year is my awesome birthday (10.11.12) and it also happens to be my personal scary age birthday. I think I need to do something big (Vegas, perhaps?!) to concentrate on the awesomeness and drink away the scary.

Here we go (again)...

2011-11-01T22:08:00.019-05:00

I received quite a few off-blog questions and comments concerning my last post about Large College. In response, I just want to say that yes, I was blowing off steam as I am extremely frustrated. However, despite my obvious frustration, everything I said about LC is still true. The issues I have with the administration are not personal. My disgruntlement stems from years of mistreatment - the FT faculty are perceived as the least important members of the team (as we don't bring in any money) and the ones who do the least amount of work. We are severely underpaid, and while none of us went into education expecting to make crazy amounts of money, we all expect to be paid a wage that is commiserate with our years of schooling/training and experience. At this point, we teach three times the number of classes as the faculty at any of the city colleges do and earn approximately $5K less than the starting salary they offer (and the city colleges in this area are notoriously low-paying).

Of course, it's not just about the money. When faculty are overloaded and treated poorly, there is a high level of burnout - the full-timers at LC tend to start to check out somewhere around July or August (at that point, we've each taught at least 15 classes). It's a fast-paced and difficult schedule that is not conducive to student learning. Also, LC's toxic environment makes it impossible for faculty to give our all/best to the students (especially those enrolled in classes near the end of the year). Ultimately, it's the students who will suffer, all thanks to the administration's lack of positive leadership and poor decision-making.
_______________________________

In other news, I've decided to jump on the NaBloPoMo bandwagon for the fourth year. I love that the theme is "blogging for blogging's sake" - because really, isn't that what my last seven years here have all been about?

As I said last year, I'm going to try my best not to resort to posting fillers just to finish. I want to use this month to follow up on some topics that got pushed aside once things in my life got busy, clear out my draft graveyard (partially written posts that have been hanging out in the draft folder for however how long), and bust out some shoe porn (there hasn't been nearly enough of that this year!). Also, this will be my last year of NaBloPoMo on this blog, as I plan to moving on to greener pastures soon (more about this later).

So, here we go... again!

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T17:03:00.001-05:00

I totally need to have a kid... just so that I can dress him up like Prince. :-)
Coolest Halloween costume ever!!

Life at Large College

2011-10-17T04:49:00.004-05:00

Alternate title 1: Why I've been absent from my blog/stressed/breaking out/on the verge of going postal
Alternate title 2: Some academics just don't realize how good they have it*
Alternate title 3: Yo! I'm back!

Just about everyone in higher ed can agree that adjuncting is a shitty job - the pay is terrible, the benefits are few, and the expectations are high. On the other end of the spectrum is the coveted tenure-track job at an R1 or SLAC (whatever your heart desires) - with it comes job security, benefits, professional development funds, course waivers, and eventually, peace of mind. In the middle, you have those random positions - the lecturer, the one-year renewable/non tenure-track, the visiting assistantship, etc. There's also a little understood and rarely discussed position... the non tenure-track, but full-time/permanent, one step above adjuncting, but nowhere to ever advance because you're actually at the highest possible level the school offers & already have the responsibilities of someone who is a tenured professor at an equivalent school.

I am one of the lucky ones who ended up in such a position.

Before I get into some of the recent changes that have taken life at Large College from unpleasant to hellish, let me first give you an idea of what it's like to be an instructor there...

LC is a year-round school (it's a three-year accelerated B.A. granting school). There are five terms in a year, each lasting nine weeks (this includes midterms & finals). There are break days between the terms, but they're not consistent - some term breaks can last up to six days, while others (the majority) consist of 1-3 days. A typical schedule will involve classes ending on a Thursday (final grades due on Friday) and the new term beginning the following Monday or Tuesday. All full-time faculty are required to teach all year/every term. That means we are in the classroom 45 weeks per year.
Full-time faculty are required to teach five classes per term (classes are 3.5 credit hours), which means we're in the classroom approximately 26 hours over four days. We teach at least 25 classes per year - each of which have 15-30 students. Those of us who teach freshman composition classes usually have close to 30 in each class, which means we usually grade somewhere in the neighborhood of 250-ish papers during a nine-week period (25 students/5 classes/2 papers per term) or 1200-ish per year.
We're expected to be on campus and available to students at least eight hours per day for each of the four days (our contracts state that we have eight hours of off-campus administrative/prep time per week). Seeing as how on most days we're in classes 6-8 hours, that whole "available to students" concept is a wee bit impossible. Oh, wait, we do have that half an hour lunch break between classes... what a perfect time to meet with students!
There are twelve full-time instructors and a little over fifty adjunct instructors (yes, approximately 80% of our staff is part-time!). We have no tenure process, nor do we have any unions or year-to-year contracts (just a general employment contract detailing your job description & duties that you sign when you're first hired). Basically, there's zero protection and the admins at LC use that to their advantage. The administration's attitude is along the lines of if you don't like being screwed over, then feel free to leave as there are plenty of adjuncts waiting to take your place. There was a group of full-timers at a sister campus who discussed unionizing... let's just say they they're no longer employed at Sister LC.
LC also cultivates an a toxic "us against them" environment - adjuncts vs. full-timers. There are very few f-t positions and the only time one opens up is if someone leaves (they have created one new position during the five years I've been there). The admins actively remind the full-timers that there is a long line of adjuncts just waiting to replace us and will freely mention to the adjuncts that if they want f-t positions, one of the current full-timers has to leave. Of course, this leads to a lot of sneaky underhanded BS - there are always adjuncts working to get your job (some work harder at job seeking than they do at teaching) and will actively go out of their way to try to make you look bad.
LC will do whatever it takes to avoid having to pay the full-time faculty more (a salary that is actually commiserate with the position). HLC reviewed our duties and determined that we are grossly underpaid and said that in order for LC to receive accreditation, they would have to adjust the salary range. They recommended a $10,000 increase to put us in line with equivalent colleges in the Chicago area. HA! LC gave us a $1,000 raise, increased our course load, and ended up pulling out of the HLC process a month later. Um...
Full-time faculty do not earn vacation days - our time off is the few days we have between terms. We do have sick days; however, you must find a sub to cover your classes if you're out. If you don't have a sub, you're required to make up the class... and you're still docked sick time. Seems slightly illegal, right? Also, you can't miss more than two days in a row without a doctor's note. So, let's say that you have something like the flu or a reoccurring medical issue that wouldn't send you to the doctor, but necessitates you miss three days. Um, don't even think about returning without that note - if you do, your check will be docked. Oh, and you better hope there are no family deaths that will lead to you to missing more than your two allotted bereavement days because you don't have any personal time and you're not allowed to use those sick days for non health-related emergencies. This was reinforced a few terms ago when an instructor's newborn baby died - he used his two bereavement days and then was docked the remainder of the two weeks he was off. Lovely, huh?
As with every college, f-t faculty are expected to hold office hours, advise students, serve as advisers to clubs, etc. You're also expected to complete four in-services per year and at least three professional development activities outside of LC. Additionally, they would like you to publish once a year, but that's not an absolute (it's "highly encouraged" at this point). The problem with this is that you do not receive any course releases, nor is there any money to complete the PD activities (well, there supposedly was money, but it was mysteriously all used by February). This term I have 60 advisees, 5 courses, and 2 clubs (and this is a light term)... exactly when am I supposed to complete the PD activities or even think about writing something remotely worthy of publishing? Oh, that's right... I have those 8 hours per week of admin time. I mean it's not like I have five classes to prep for or a crapload of sucky papers to grade. And then there's the professional development activities... not only are you expected to pay your own way, but also you'll have your pay docked if you miss more than two days.

Now that you have an idea of the culture of LC, let's take a look at what has been happening over the last couple of months (i.e. why I've been so freakin' stressed and unhappy)...

We have a new! shiny! president! ... whose main goal seems to be to make life hell for the faculty. Prior to LC, she served as the VP at Sister LC's campus; she now spends an inordinate amount of time questioning why the instructors at our campus aren't doing things exactly like at her old campus (she has a special venom for the writing faculty). Well, maybe because we serve a different population, have a larger percentage of students who are academically not ready for college, we're in an urban area & Sister LC is in a rural area... oh, and just maybe because we're not all faculty robots programmed to act the exact same way. Sigh. It's amazing how she spends so much time complaining about how the writing faculty at our campus sucks compared to Sister LC, but the faculty I know at Sister LC said that she was a horrible VP and tried to have all of the writing faculty fired because she was astounded and ashamed when she saw some sample student papers (during a plagiarism hearing).
An idea that was batted around, all thanks to our new president: adjuncts should pick their classes first since the full-time faculty have to be on campus all day anyway. Sigh. Yes, let's let the adjuncts pick first, which will guarantee the full-timers will be on campus from 7:00AM to 10:00PM every friggin' day - because those early morning classes and the late ones are the classes people tend to avoid. All full-timers should work 15 hours a day. What's wrong with that?
A horrible meeting my my colleague, C (other full-timer English instructor), and I recently had with the with dean. After the dean sent an inflammatory email to all faculty about how we're not putting enough time into tutoring students who aren't in our classes (more on this later), C and I went to him to discuss the schedule & to attempt to find a solution to the tutoring issue. The meeting was complete crap - it started on a low note, quickly moved into the disheartening range, and ended with a well-worded "fuck you" from the dean. During the meeting, he actually said to us "You're only in classes for six hours a day. I don't understand what you're doing for the rest of your time. By my calculations, you have eight hours of unaccounted for time." Are you fucking kidding me?!? Because obviously being an instructor is 100% limited to the classroom time, right? I mean we don't have to prep for class, grade papers, meet with advisees, attend meetings, do committee work, tutor the students currently enrolled in our classes, sit through pointless and insulting meeting with the dean, etc. Ugh!! Not only was it a slap in the face, but it also brought to light how very little the dean knows about teaching. He was a faculty member for one damn year before he became a dean (yes, ONE). Apparently, he has blocked out that year and decided that instructors do nothing but lecture the entire day (because there's no way we could be giving assignments, as we don't do any grading).
The tutoring situation: in an effort to save money, the new! shiny! president! decided to fire the professional tutors and force the full-time faculty to cover tutoring duties. Yes, that is a fantastic idea, right? I mean it's not like students would possibly want/need to see a tutor during those 6-8 hours per day that we're in classes... and it's not as though there are 700ish students and only two full-time writing instructors... and it's not like we're already completely overloaded. Nooooo, the full-timers can handle it! As you can imagine, just about every student who requests tutoring is looking for help with writing or math. Two writing instructors and one math instructor... for the entire school. Oh, but if we can't meet with the student and his/her preferred time, the session will be offered to an adjunct (as a very last resort). Again, we're back to that issue of having to pay people for their time/work - new! shiny! president! is very unhappy with the amount of money that has been shelled out to adjuncts for tutoring (Why aren't the full-timers tutoring more students? The faculty at Sister LC campus have the time to teach 50 classes a day and tutor all 2,000 students!). Hence, the offensive email and disheartening meeting with the dean.
Our campus moved. The move happened during midterm week (last term). I don't think I need to go into how stressful it is to move a campus, especially while classes are in session (and are not allowed to be canceled). It's even worse when there is a lack of realistic planning involved and a very poorly executed move. Faculty and students were stressed, pissed off, and completely out of sorts for weeks at each end of the move. Unfortunately, the stress didn't end after everyone was finally settled - it became substantially worse, thanks to more brilliant money-saving ideas from new! shiny! president! In a moment of brilliance pre-move, it was decided that ~~the full-timers are unworthy because they don't do shit~~ it is unnecessary for the full-time instructors to have offices. Now, it's not as though we had private offices to begin with - I shared with C and the math instructor. Well, new! shiny! president! decided that the small amount of privacy we had was an unnecessary luxury and in order to save money (more like save space so that her office could be bigger), faculty offices were not built into the design of the new campus. After over five years at LC, I lost my office. I now sit in a big, but not nearly big enough room, in a telemarketing station cubicle with not only all of the full-time faculty, but also all of the adjuncts. It is a ridiculously chaotic clusterfuck and I (along with the other f-t faculty) absolutely hate it. What type of college puts their full-time faculty in tiny cubes and saddles them with a crazy course load, tutoring expectations, and advising list? Needless to say, but I get zero grading done there. It is a fucking mess. Plus, we all feel like we were demoted, which is great for morale.
New! shiny! president! also decided that it was unnecessary for faculty & staff to have separate restrooms. Awesome. Now we all share one bathroom (well, the men have one & the women have one). There are approximately 200 women on campus at any given time and we all share one restroom with eight stalls. Not only is the restroom disgusting (I am horrified by what some of the students do/leave in there), it has also created an uncomfortable situation. I'm sorry, but I'm in here to change my tampon, not to chat with you about why you failed my class... oh, and person in the next stall, please stop talking on your phone about how you cheated on your exam and got away with it. Sigh. It seems like such a small thing, but the restroom situation is so out of control that several instructors have taken to actually leaving the campus and visiting Macy's (across the street) to use the public restrooms. It's sad to say, but the restrooms there are cleaner... and there are no students.

On top of it all, of the twelve full-time instructors, ten of us have a second job. All ten of us adjunct at other schools (on the sly of course because neither the new! shiny! president! nor the dean would not be happy about that situation) - this solely because the pay at LC is so crappy. Several of the instructors teach online, while others, like me, teach at local community colleges (I still adjunct at Small College, where I was hired fresh out of grad school in '04). Again, at what type of college do you find the majority of the full-time faculty teaching elsewhere? Sigh. Don't answer that. For the next nine weeks, I am teaching seven writing classes (five at LC and two more at SC). Yes, that's right. Seven writing classes. Shoot me now.

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*Let me say that this post is not meant to trivialize anyone's complaints about their schools because I know no matter how good things are, no place is 100% perfect (especially considering that just one a-hole can easily make a pleasant environment hellish). However, I don't think a lot of academics know just how good they have it. There are great schools, good schools, and crappy schools... and then there are the ones of which nightmares are made (i.e. Large College).

Hey!

2011-09-19T06:00:00.001-05:00

Oh, hello there. I have a blog. Yes, that's right. A blog.

It's true, I'm still around... I really didn't fall off the face of the earth. I just totally missed the entire month of August and the beginning part of September. Basically, this was due to the vast amount of stupidity, idiocy, and drama that has taken over Large College. Besides being annoying and rage-inducing, it has also left me regularly working 13-14 hour days. The BS at Large College has also encroached on my gym time, which is my much-needed form of stress relief. All of this has led to me turning into one grumpy, resentful, exhausted girl. Sigh.

I am working on another post to explain the situation at LC - it's one of those things that you just will not believe. In the meantime, I'm trying not to think too much about everything. In fact, today is the first day in almost a month in which I'm refusing to get sucked into the drama and I'm packing up my stuff on time in order to make it to the gym... and I will continue to follow that pattern for the rest of my time at LC (which I hope won't be all that much longer). I've learned that the higher-ups at LC truly do not care about what happens to the faculty (and actually think that all there is to our jobs is teaching - if you're not in class, you're not working).

Despite the craziness, I managed to have a lovely end to the summer...

M & I attended the wedding of one of his childhood friends (best wedding cake ever!)
We also saw a few fantastic movies, including this documentary (we were lucky enough to attend the showing that included a discussion with the director and most of the cast afterward) & went to a few Sox games
Spent a day with Beebs & various friends in the land of furry tails and chainmail bras
Attended a kinda horrible, but still fun bellydancing show with Beebs
D & I did the dinner crawl and the ice cream festival (in the same week) - holy deliciousness! If they sell Graeter's ice cream anywhere near you, run there and pick up the Black Raspberry Chip - it is amazing!
We also had a really fantastic dinner at Seasons 52 (love the scallops!) and powered through the Renegade Craft Fair (so many friggin' sweaty hipsters!)
Saw Love, Loss, and What I Wore (surprisingly fun and touching)

I'm also enjoying the transition into fall and looking forward to all of the loveliness this season brings (bonfires! honeycrisp apples! pumpkins! Halloween! crunchy leaves underfoot! apple spice donuts! hot apple cider!) and a few upcoming mini getaways (Ladies Weekend and a hiking weekend).

So, what have you been up to? I guess a better question to ask would be is anyone even still here?? I miss my bloggy buddies!

From the mouths of college students...

2011-07-28T18:00:00.000-05:00

I'm generally not a fan of extra credit*, but I do make an exception in my freshman studies courses (the FS course is part of the Freshman Experience, which is a retention/get to know the college & relevant staff/get to know Chicago program). Typically, I offer my FS students the opportunity to earn a few extra points by participating in non-required college events or on the final exam through a series of random questions - some focus on school-related topics (Who is your Department Chair? Who do you go to if you're interested in applying for a student worker position?), a few focus on fun trivia related to our cultural events (aka field trips) or faculty (I always ask them about my favorite singer, as there is a Prince poster in my office & they are required to visit my office the first day of class), and the rest focus on current events (mostly politics). As I'm sure you can imagine, there are always quite a few interesting answers (apparently, I give off the Kelly Clarkson and Lady Gaga lovin' vibe, as those are always the two most popular wrong guesses); out of all, my favorites come from a fairly simple question that one would think is a no-brainer. There are always a few wrong answers, but this term was especially bad. I'm both amused and horrified by what came out of my class...

Who is the current Vice President?

"The guy who was running with Obama": 1 (well, that's technically true)
"Honestly, I have no idea. I don't think he does much anyway.": 1 (oooh, harsh)
John Kennedy: 1 (um, zombie VP?)
Vader: 1 (ha ha ha)
Vidden: 1 (Vader + Biden = Vidden?)
Nancy: 1 (I'll go with the Drew version)
That crook Blagovich: 1 (VP and a corruption trial? wow, busy year for Blago!)
George Stefanpieless: 1 (little George Stephanopoulos lost all of his pies... so sad)
Obama: 3 (please just let this be a case of rushing/not reading the question closely)
McCain: 3 / Mcane: 1 / Joe McCain: 1 (yes, he is totally the VP... and he & Obama are sooo BFFs)
Biden: 7 / John Biden: 1 / Joe Bidden: 1 (ding ding ding!)
Hilary Clinton: 11 (VP... Secretary of State... it's really all the same)
No answer: 11 (so did they have no clue or were they just above answering the extra credit questions? it's an enigma... wrapped in a mystery)

Yes folks, this is the future of our country. :-)
_________________________

*Because (1) if a student is doing sub-par work and/or not completing the work, offering a chance to do extra sub-par work just to make up for the original work does not reinforce the learning goals, (2) in my experience, the students who usually complete the EC are the ones who don't need it grade-wise, (3) the impact it has on the grading process - students who really need it tend not to truly benefit from it (because they weren't doing satisfactory work to begin with) & it undermines your assessment process, and (4) it's college, not 5th grade. Do your damn work! Now, I do make the exception in the FS classes because a big part of the course involves social engagement and cultural events - while we do participate in several activities during the term, we are limited in how much we can do in nine weeks. I've found that offering extra credit really helps to boost the participation and gets the students involved in activities they wouldn't do otherwise.

Indy!

2011-07-22T06:00:00.001-05:00

There was some pedal boating...

Some canal walking...

An awesome derby bout...

A lot of fabulous food...

A bit of imbibing...

And a few drag queens...

In addition to the fun, there were also many hours of long talks in which we reminisced and brought each other up to date on the new. It was wonderful to have the opportunity to spend so much uninterrupted time with my friend. I've unintentionally lost friends due to the distance between us (the literal distance, that is)... when you're in your thirties, it can often be difficult to maintain long-distance friendships (especially with those you once worked with & talked to in person everyday). It's far too easy to get caught up in the daily grind and not make the time to maintain those friendships that aren't in your immediate vicinity; before you know it, you've lost that thread that once bound the two of you. I'm very lucky that even though large chunks of time will usually pass between our visits, once Pauline & I get together, it really feels like no time has passed at all. She's a fabulous person and I'm very lucky to still have her in my life. :-)

On the road again

2011-07-07T20:23:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving tomorrow morning for another mini trip - this time, I'm headed down to Indianapolis to visit my dear friend, Pauline. Due to various work commitments and some other unpleasantries that happened last year, we weren't able to get together for anything more than a quick brunch when she came through Chicago. I haven't really spent any time with her since November '09, which seems like forever ago! I'm so excited to be able to actually spend some quality girl time together, as it is long overdue. Our plans include some of the usual (awesome food/drinks, exploring random places in the city, long talks) and something new and wickedly awesome: a derby bout (my first! soooo excited!). Hell yeah! :-)

Starved Rock

2011-06-29T23:14:00.001-05:00

I spent last weekend tramping around in the woods with D. For those of you who live in more interesting/hiking-friendly areas (i.e. not the Midwest), Starved Rock may not be too exciting, but for those of us who live in either the urban jungle (Chicago) or on flat farmland (the rest of Illinois), it is quite an awesome place to visit (and a serious cardio workout!). I would love to go back during the winter to see the frozen waterfalls (click on each trail to see photos), but I have to admit that I'm a bit of a wuss when it comes to sliding around on the ice. :-)

Full photoset here

Another blogger meet-up!

2011-06-22T22:56:00.000-05:00

I started reading Seeking Solace's blog a year or so after I started blogging. Like many of the bloggers we both know, we eventually expanded our blogging relationship (blogship?) to facebook and twitter. After almost six years, we finally had the opportunity to meet in person.

As with every other blogger meet-up I've had, we picked up in medias res (yay! An opportunity to sneak in my favorite Latin phrase!). There was no need for basic introductions or backgrounds - we just continued the conversation that has been happening online for the last six years.

She was just as fun as I thought she would be and we had a fantastic time eating our way through Cafe Iberico's menu, catching up on all the bloggy gossip, and filling in the blanks (as much as it may not seem like it sometimes, there is so much that goes left unsaid on this blog/facebook). We had a fabulous time and I'm so glad the academic conference winds finally sent her up this way!

I'm totally ready for another meet-up... who's coming to Chicago next? Unlike jo(e), I won't make you pose naked, but I will force you to delay your food/alcohol consumption until I get a blog-worthy photo. :-)

RBOC

2011-06-14T22:54:00.000-05:00

Well, it's actually a mixture of paragraphs and bullets, but RPABOC just doesn't work for me. Whatevs.
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I’ve developed a bit of an obsession with my face. It all started back in March when I had the first completely unexpected and totally nasty breakout (mouth/chin area). Now, I usually get a zit or two during that special lady time of the month, but this breakout came nowhere near that time and it was far worse than the usual hormone induced monthly excitement. I approached the breakout with my usual methods (tea tree wash & oil) and while it cleared up, the reprieve didn’t last for long. I broke out again in April and in May (despite attacking my face with all of the skin clearing techniques I know). At that point, not only was I completely fed up, I was also a bit desperate… standing in front of multiple classes each day all while trying not to think about your fifteen-year-old-esqe face can really get to you. I did a little research and found a very highly-rated esthetician. She gave me the best facial of my life and recommended that I think about switching to Dermalogica products (but she wasn’t pushy about it at all, which is partially why I loved her so much). I did buy a mask that she recommended, but I decided to stay with my blend of Murad and Body Shop products for the time being. She also said that my breakout was due to a combination of hormones and stress and that I should try to stop stressing so much… of course, just thinking about not stressing makes me stress even more because I can’t stop stressing (sigh).

After the facial, my skin looked great for a few weeks and then it all went bad again. I was right back to where I had started… and in full freak-out mode once again. This time, I decided that instead of using the same products (that had seemed to stop working – not only was I broken out, my face was incredibly dry), I would try out the Dermalogica line. Holy crap, it was expensive! I thought Murad was bad. However, when one is having a skin crisis, price isn’t so much of a factor, right? Well, guess what? After almost three weeks of using Dermalogica, my skin is clear, moisturized, and seemingly happy. I still have a few nasty dried out spots (former painful under the skin zits), but I just have to wait for the cells to regenerate in order for them to fade.

Dermalogical is awesome. Dermalogica is also hella expensive. I have a love/hate relationship with expensive beauty products. On one hand, I want it work wonders (it should be magical!), but if it does work, then I must commit to it (which equates to more $$). On the other hand, if it doesn’t work, I feel like a sucker for spending so much money on BS. Ugh. Why I am dealing with this crap in my thirties? What happened to the lovely skin of my twenties? Am I regressing back to the teen years? Ahhhhhh!
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I've officially hit the festivals/birthdays/trips stretch of the summer. Woo-hoo! As exhausting as it can be (I know, wah wah, I have too many social activities), it's also crazy fun. Upcoming events include a hiking trip to Starved Rock with D (I am sooo excited - I haven't hiked since last fall!), a trip to Indianapolis to visit another awesome friend, and a blogger meet-up tomorrow (I'll leave you in suspense on this one for now, but if you follow either of us on twitter, you already know who it is). :-)
I'm still drinking Shakeology for breakfast. I've always liked it, but now I've grown to love it. Well, I love everything about it except for one small thing (something they don't tell you about)... it gives you crazy gas! It makes sense because it, uh, well, it cleans you out (it's quite shocking to see how much is packed up there). However, I think they need to consider repackaging their mix with "Warning: this product will cause you to leak toxic sewer gas at the most inconvenient times" label. Oy.
The battery in my watch died three weeks ago. I pulled out my secondary watch and discovered that the battery in that watch was also dead. I could have pulled out my third watch (a beautiful Hello Kitty Japanese import), but I decided I would just go watch-less for the time being. Three weeks later, I am still sans watch. I've been faithfully wearing a watch ever since I was twelve-ish. I've never not wanted to wear one, but now that I'm not, I feel liberated! I still always know what time it is (thanks to the overabundance of clocks in my apartment & office and my handy iPhone) and I'm still on time for everything... I'm just doing it all without a watch strapped to my wrist. It's strangely freeing. We'll see how long it lasts though, as I may freak out and have an anal change of heart.
I finally got around to updating my mint.com account and setting up a budget. Thanks to my skin obsession/Dermalogica spree, I was $50 over my personal care budget only two days into June. Ugh. That website is depressing.

(Non) Rapture: afternoon/evening/earling morning after

2011-05-23T15:57:00.002-05:00

There were some of these...

and these...

and these (which I hadn't had since college - what a perfectly delicious drunk food!).

All of the above took place within a span of two hours. Oh, that would be two hours of the EIGHT we spent together. I hesitate to say I needed it (because does anyone ever need to drink so much that they have a hangover for two days afterward?!?), but it really was a fantastic night... despite the lack of floating naked people (well, there were some semi-naked people, but they weren't floating). :-)

Wrong number

2011-05-20T13:11:00.001-05:00

Dear 2:30 AM "Oh my god, I'm so, so sorry, wrong number" Guy:

Please excuse my irritated and definitely inappropriate response to your "Get your hot naked ass over here now and fuck me hard!" command. You see, these days the phone usually only sounds off at that time on a work night if there's something seriously wrong. Please understand that I've been out of my booty call days for a few years so when that shrill ring cut through the early morning silence, my stomach dropped and I was instantly filled with dread. I expected to hear of an emergency or learn that someone had died... I really did not expect to be greeted with ass talk.

I am so, so sorry that I completely ruined your schtick and possibly upset your horny. I hope you were able to eventually dial the right number, as it sounded like you were quite in need of a little companionship (although I think my suggestion that you should "go fuck yourself" would have taken care of the situation).

Just a piece of advice: put your booty call numbers on speed dial. It makes the process a little easier and will save you from having to abashedly apologize to random strangers. Most importantly, be sure to correctly label the numbers so that you don't accidentally booty call your grandmother.

Progress

2011-05-18T12:15:00.001-05:00

I haven't mentioned much about my weight loss efforts lately, but I am still going at it. I have been a bit frustrated over the past couple of months because I've hit a massive plateau - one that involves me either losing no weight at all for weeks at a time or losing & gaining the same seven lbs over and over. It's quite annoying, but I haven't given up. I know that after losing almost 70 lbs, my body has gotten used to my workouts and needs to be shaken up a bit. In an attempt to move past that plateau, I've recently added running to my workouts (which I hate - it's sooo boring compared to kickboxing!) and I replaced my morning trip to Starbucks with Shakeology (which I love).

I also realize that although I'm not consistently losing weight right now, my body is still in the process of reshaping itself (in a good way). Around time that I hit the 50 lb mark, I had a ton of people constantly remarking and inquiring about my weight loss (which is flattering, but can sometimes be a little awkward, depending on their reasons for asking). I didn't hear much for a few months after that, but within the last month, people have started to notice and make comments again. I've realized that's because my shape is changing again - this time, it's not so much a visible loss of pounds as it is the addition of new muscle tone and much more defined obliques.

So although I am struggling a bit with the actual numbers on the scale, I am able to still see progress in other ways. One of my favorite markers comes in the form of my clothing size, as I think it gives a nice reminder of what I've accomplished during the past year & a half...

What I was wearing around this time last year (click to embiggen)...

And now...

I'm currently about 15 lbs away from where I was when I graduated from college in '99 (although if I still had my clothes from back then, I wouldn't wear them because most were either from my super-weird-pseudo-preppy-looking-for-a-job collection or my super-slutty-I'm-single-and-clubbing-every-weekend stash). Ultimately, my goal is to get out of the sizes with an X in them. Realistically, I'll probably never be much smaller than a Large as I'm all boobs, hips, and booty no matter how much I weigh, but that's cool with me. I'm a fan of the T&A. :-)

In the meantime, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time in my quest to be a healthier person (inside & out!). It's slow going, but I know I'll get there eventually... if only I could get there without having to torture myself with the most evil and boring exercise ever (aka running). ;-)

The last month

2011-05-09T05:30:00.005-05:00

This is probably one of those needless to say statements, but I've been in a bit of a blogging slump. In fact, I'm afraid I may have hit the blogging wall... I have been writing about my life for the last 6.5 years. That sure is a lot of comebacknikki. I still have tons of ideas and approximately fifty posts saved in my draft graveyard (where ideas go to die), but I rarely have the motivation to write. I'm not sure why... maybe because I'm tired & frustrated with parts of my life, maybe it's because so many bloggers have closed shop, or maybe it's because I don't feel like what I have to say is all that interesting. I loved blogging for the first five-ish years, but over the last year and half or so, it's felt more like an obligation/something I feel guilty about and less like something I want to do. Sigh. I don't know.

I've started another blog (focused on food), but I haven't opened it up to the public yet - there are still a few things I want to set up before I share it with everyone. I am definitely much more excited about writing over there (and I have so many awesome foodie photos to share!). In the meantime, I haven't made a decision about this space. While I'm feeling a bit blah about it, I'm still not ready to let go.

And on that note, here's a bit of the last month of my life...

M got a job! I haven't mentioned too much about the situation over the last year or so, but if you remember, M was laid off back in August '09. Up until two weeks ago, he was still unemployed. Thankfully, he did have his consulting clients (that he started with before he was laid off), but that was inconsistent and very much part-time. The consulting helped keep him semi-sane, but honestly, the last year and a half has been rough... I don't want to go into the details, but we'll just say that it was a very stressful time for both of us. Now, his new job isn't perfect, as he's classified as an apprentice & the company has some financial issues, but it's *something* (and he likes it!). There is potential for him to move up in a few months (if the financial issues don't put an end to his position). It's definitely exciting, but we're both trying not to get too excited as there's still a bit of uncertainty.
An instructor was fired from Large College because of things she wrote about the school & students on facebook. Sigh. I seriously do not understand what she was thinking. Department Chair friended everyone in the department a few days after he joined fb (a year or so ago) and strongly encouraged all of the instructors to do the same (which is another issue - um, why am I being forced to share my personal life with people I don't necessarily like?). I would estimate at least 3/4 of the faculty & staff are now friends with each other... knowing that, why would you say anything negative about the school (even if it's true)? I'm sure she felt there would be no repercussions because she put it on facebook instead of mentioning it at school, but... ugh! Bad move!

I met a professor from my graduate school (not my program) through some friends of M. Fifteen minutes into our conversation, she asked me if I feel like I'm "compromising my academic integrity on a daily basis" by teaching at Large College and that I really should be looking for another job if I "ever want to be taken seriously by the academic community." Oy. Now, as much as I'm not in love with Large College and feel there are some major ethical and organizational issues (see here, here, and here), I still wouldn't say that I'm less of anything because of where I work ... who the fuck does she think she is?!? I have to admit that not only was I taken aback by the question, I also felt bad. In fact, I was even a bit embarrassed. Non-adjunct faculty positions aren't exactly easy to come by these days & LC is not where I would be if I had a choice... but still, I work my ass off there. I teach 20-25 classes each year (with anywhere between 10-35 students in each class). I am the adviser for two student activities/clubs, I coordinate a faculty council, sit on four committees, and tutor various students (not from my classes). Despite what I may feel about LC's practices, I still give my all to the students. Sigh. I so want to go back in time and tell her in the most polite way possible to kiss my fucking ass.

M had a birthday! :-)

So did E! Remember this tiny baby? Oh, he's very much a rough-and-tumble, silly little three-year-old now. Where did the time go?!?

I spent way too much time discussing/arguing with former classmates about how I am anti-American because I mentioned that I do not celebrate death, even if the person in question is Osama bin Laden. I said that while I do not mourn the death of ObL, I also do not celebrate it because we should not celebrate the murder of anyone... and the issues are far too complex to reduce everything to the destruction of one (albeit, very bad) man. I also said that I found the images of people partying in the streets to be quite unsettling. Apparently, those sentiments make me a "uninformed fool" and a "traitor." Hmmm... I somehow failed to make that connection.

The 5K for Midwives happened once again. There were no bags of apples this time, but there was a cool tree at the starting point. :-)

And finally... M & I saw A Twist of Water and Jay & Silent Bob Get Old (hilarious!), I got my hair cut/highlighted at an awesome salon, bought some more shoes, had another meal at Mercat a la Planxa (I'm officially obsessed with that restaurant), ate at the Davis Street Fish Market for the first time (excellent!), had the best facial ever (seriously, if you live in Chicago, you should go here!), bought a bunch of White Sox tickets (pleeeaase stop losing!), fell in love with an adorable puppy,* and graded approximately 95 midterms & 170 papers.

*we couldn't get him though because he's way too big for our place - if you're interested in an extremely sweet & adorable Pitty mix, he's available here (Roo)

Unsent

2011-04-15T00:05:00.000-05:00

Dear Subway Guy:
It's really, really not a good idea to ask a woman when she's due unless you're 100% sure she's pregnant... as in you already have confirmation. Also, when the woman snaps back that she's "not pregnant, just a lazy fat ass" the appropriate response is not to try to justify your question by indicating that her stomach is puffy (which it totally wasn't). A simple "I'm sorry" would have been a better choice. Oh, and don't look to the person behind her in line for support, especially if said person is me... because I'll just laugh at your stupidity and offer my support to the supposedly pregnant woman who now feels like complete shit (all thanks to you). You really should consider yourself lucky that she didn't smack you across the face with her sandwich.
-------------------------

Dear Student #1:
Your tearful plea for a paper extension was so filled with BS that I don't even know where to start. OMG, you weren't able to upload your paper to Blackboard because you totally left your flash drive with the only copy of your paper in our classroom last week? And like you weren't able to get it back until this week because someone else totally picked it up? And like they didn't bring it back to school until this week? OMG! Well, that's an incredible feat, considering you hadn't been to class for three weeks... and like you totally hadn't even looked at the paper assignment on BB until a few minutes before you came to talk to me. The next time you try to spin a complicated tale of woe, please keep in mind that just because I don't take attendance doesn't mean that I don't know who does/doesn't come to class. Also, there's a nice little tracking feature on BB that lets me know who has/hasn't accessed each assignment and when. Paper extension denied... like totally. OMFG.
-------------------------

Dear Student #2:
"It was hard, but I mustard the courage."
Oh, you so won the prize for the best typo of the semester.
Hahahahaha. Thanks for the laugh!
-------------------------

Dear Student #3:
Thank you for your kind words. I was having one of those no good, very bad days... one that led me to seriously reconsider my profession. Although I did momentarily consider that you were just trying to score some brownie points, it was so sweet of you to say that I'm your "favorite professor ever." :-)
-------------------------

Dear High School Facebook Friend:
You wear a size 0, weigh approximately 90 lbs, and have gigantic fake boobs. Please try not to be offended when no one responds to your whiny post about how you look "sooo fat and gross" in your new bikini. Also, please try to refrain from posting another whiny post about how none of your "mean and uncaring friends" responded to your original post. While I understand that no matter your size/shape, every woman is occasionally hit by those moments of extreme self-consciousness/insecurity, your obvious fishing for attention post was a little over the top. Women who really feel bad about themselves in their new bikinis usually don't accompany the whiny posts with full-body photos (especially not ones that were taken outside - natural light is not always your friend). And honestly? No one feels bad for you, so you should just go ahead and STFU.
-------------------------

Dear Skin:
Did you really have to push through that gigantic puffy painful zit while I was teaching? Really? You honestly thought that was the most appropriate moment? Sigh.
-------------------------

Dear The Office People:
The addition of Will Ferrell has effectively dropped The Office from one of my favorite shows to a show that makes me want to punch someone. You suck.
-------------------------

Dear Easter:
Would you just hurry up and come already?
late Easter = more store time for Cadbury Cream Eggs/the longer I have to try to resist eating them every single day/the less resistance power I have
Bad! Bad! Bad!

Love, comebacknikki

Five good things

2011-03-29T15:37:00.003-05:00

1. The Kia hamster commercial & the newest Old Spice commercial

There is just so much awesomeness...Hamsterdam Ave, the Hamstar hoodie, the hamster in pearls, the cheerleaders. This commercial is pure gold! It never fails to make me smile... and depending on my mood, I may just bust a few moves along with them. HamSTAR! Woot-woot!

Romantic puppy surprise?!? Hell to the yeah!

Seriously, I am a sucker for the OS guy - the first time I saw the latest incarnation, I proclaimed him to be "dreamy" to M (and in response, he called him a few unsavory names that I won't repeat). ;-)

2. The IKC dog show (which is always filled with tons of awesomeness & cuteness)

3. Mexican Coke

We refer to it in my house as liquid crack.
I may have developed a slight addiction.

4. Amazing food

Serrano ham & fig salad and the
Ensalada verde salad @ Mercat

I'm very lucky to live in a city with a plethora of amazing restaurants (I'm also lucky to have a group of friends who are just as foodie crazy as I am!). The latest crop of visits included The Bristol (the duck fat fries are heaven sent!), Girl & The Goat (I now completely understand why Stephanie Izard won TC), and Mercat a la Planxa (everything is orgasmically good!).

5. Something Borrowed

I don't usually get excited about movies adapted from books I've enjoyed (I've made that mistake and been burned too many times), but this one actually looks... well, good. I may be wrong, but I do think this one is going to a winner. After all, Emily Giffin told me in person (when I met her last year) that it's going to be fantastic... she wouldn't lie to me, right?!? :-)

Happiness

2011-03-16T15:58:00.001-05:00

A few days after I last posted, I had a brief text conversation with Christina about the state of things. I told her that there's nothing in particular that's making me feel down; rather, it's life in general. Although I do have plenty of good moments, there's far too much dreariness (thanks to a lack of stability/middle ground in too many areas). She threw in the words "dull and difficult" - exactly how I've been feeling lately.

That same night, I read an article about happiness in Whole Living. I read through it with interest, but nothing really stood out/struck me... until the end. Tucked away in the corner was a short excerpt from Thomas Bien's new book, The Buddha's Way of Happiness. The excerpt focused on three key lessons to happiness: know that happiness is always available to you, accept imperfection, and don't try so hard. Basically, there's nothing that needs to happen first for you to be happy. Happiness is not about having absolutely everything the way you want it; rather, it's about being receptive to what's going on in the present moment and relaxing into what is good (instead of always focusing on what you want to fix/change).

Normally, I would just brush it off as some well-meaning, but ultimately, worthless information. I've always considered myself to be a little too cynical to get caught up in that hippie happiness crap (although I do willingly read about it every month - yes, I'm a bit of a contradiction); however, something about Bien's happiness lessons really hit me. As a slightly type A/strong Judging person, I'm always looking to fix things. I constantly feel like life could be better, if only I... (insert one of hundreds of possibilities). I'm a list maker and spend many hours meticulously working my way through this and that (much of which involves changing and/or improving things). Although I am open to new possibilities (I'm not totally anal) and I do recognize the happy moments in my life, I am also the person who is always striving to attain that state of complete wholeness (which is what will bring more happiness!). And that's exactly what Bien says you should not do... that pursuit of happiness is what drives us crazy and leads to unhappiness.

I've never thought of myself as someone who's chronically unhappy or depressed, but I do spend a lot of time in a funk. I realized that's mostly because I'm just never satisfied. I always feel like I can do more and be better at everything (typical of any chronic overachiever). But here's the thing - until recently, I've never really thought about how my chronic overachiever tendencies (which I like about myself!) may be what's keeping me from continued happiness. Because I always want more and put the pressure on myself to do more, I'm never completely satisfied with my current situation and/or I revel too briefly in my achievements/happy moments (because I'm always looking to move on to the next one).

The article also made me think about a close friend of mine who currently struggling with her mental health. J spent years in hot pursuit of the perfect job at a specific company she had targeted, a husband, and a baby. After many ups and downs, she finally got everything she thought she wanted... and she discovered that she wasn't any happier than she was before. In fact, once the excitement of the new job, wedding, and pregnancy died down, she actually had a breakdown because she felt like there was something wrong with her... how could she still be unhappy after getting everything she wanted? J is seriously struggling with how to find satisfaction/happiness - she recently mentioned that she doesn't know if she will ever truly be happy because once she realized what she thought she needed was not want made her happy, she felt hopeless and lost.

I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, except to say that I'm trying to make a conscious effort to be more present in the now. I don't want to feel that life is all dull and difficult... although there are definitely some things I want/need to change about my life, there's actually quite a bit of joy and happiness. I just need to shift my thinking. I'm not someone who wants to be a Pollyanna (let's face it, I like that I'm a bit of a snarky bitch), but I'm also not someone who wants to always be stuck in a funk. It doesn't mean I'm going to give up on trying to reach my goals/make changes, but I need to put myself in a place where I'm okay with my current situation even if it's not perfect.

"Happiness is very simple. It's our tendency to complicate things that makes it difficult."
-Thomas Bien

Blahs

2011-02-28T23:25:00.001-06:00

I've spent most of 2011 wondering when things will stop being so damn hard. I do realize that life is a series of ups and downs, but normally there's also some middle ground. That middle ground is something that has been severely lacking since the start of the year. It's not that I'm completely despondent about my life, but I do feel as though the ratio of worry, sadness, and uncertainty is supremely out of balance with the happiness and contentedness parts. I feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and insecure - the combination of which has left me in a bit of a funk. Maybe it's just a case of the winter blahs, or maybe it's something bigger - something that only a major shake up can fix.

Sigh. I think I just need a do over button. If I can't get that, I need something fantastic to happen... like a new job... or a cuddly puppy.

V Day!

2011-02-14T05:01:00.013-06:00

There was a time in my life in which I took a vehement anti-Valentine's Day stance, but at this point, I'm not particularly pro or con. On one hand, I hate that it's a manufactured holiday that leads to unnecessary stress/anger and generic expressions of affection. On the other hand, I do enjoy the cutesy part of the holiday - I'm all about the adorable cupcakes and socks adorned with goofy glittery hearts. Plus, I look damn good in both pink and red (but not together - one or the other, paired with black!).

As much as I love the cutesy aspects, ultimately, I think my favorite things from the holiday come from the snarky side. Actually, they're both snarky AND cutesy, which describes my world perfectly. :-)

From Natalie Dee:

Hahahahahaha!

*snort*

And finally, back by popular demand...

Who wouldn't want to receive a shit bitch bear for V Day? I mean, come on!

Have a happy/snarky/angry one! ;-)

Snowday #3

2011-02-03T13:25:00.004-06:00

Along with most of the Midwest, I'm still hunkered down in my house, waiting for the great thaw to sweep through and put an end to Snowmaggedon's wrath. I did attempt to leave our building earlier this morning (after three days of confinement, I'm going a wee bit stir-crazy!), but my efforts were met with this:

Oh yes, the back door is blocked by a solid wall of snow and the front end of my car is entombed. Muthafuck!

Snowmaggedon has also brought back one of the most time-honored and seriously annoying traditions in this city:

For those of you who live in places that don't participate in this tomfoolery - yes, those chairs littering the street were put there deliberately. Many Chicagoans tend to think that shoveling out their car somehow means they now have dibs on the parking spot... on a public street. If you dare to move someone's crap out of the street, be prepared to have your tires slashed or your windows smashed. Although it's technically illegal, city officials turn a blind eye to this BS or will proclaim it to be "charming."

Fun stuff. Why do I still live here?!?

Anyway, since I do have some extra time (and need to keep myself busy before I snap), I can finally finish the post I started writing three weeks ago...

New design
I've been toying with various arrangements and templates over the last couple of months and I finally settled on a new layout. I wanted to get rid of the black background/white text combo (I loved it at first, but grew tired of it) - actually, I wanted to get rid of the black background all together, but after playing around with various color schemes, I decided to keep the background because it really complements my new (awesome!) header (compliments of Gwyn). If you're viewing this post through a reader, please click through and let me know what you think (well, unless you completely hate it) and/or if you notice something wonky. Also, I updated the blogroll - I removed all of the inactive blogs and added my newest reads. If I happened to miss your blog, please let me know!

New shoes
I must admit that I'm slightly embarrassed that I purchased something bearing the name Fergalicious; however, they're so bloody adorable and the combination of a sale and a coupon left me with total price of $10. I think they're particularly striking against my pasty skin. :-)

New hair
After six months of pulling up my hair into a clip on an almost daily basis (which really isn't a great look for me), I finally got off my butt and made an appointment a snooty salon and got an awesome haircut & highlights. I gave the colorist a little guidance, but for the most part, I let her go crazy... and my hair is now about three shades lighter than it's been during the last 20 years. I love it! It's all flippy and blond! I've always stayed in the auburn and brunette range - I'm really surprised at how much I love the lighter color.

I took this photo at the end of the day, so my hair is a little flatter than it normally is, but you get the general idea:

New self challenges
1) Books!
I'm tired of falling behind with my pleasure reading, so as an attempt to force myself to read more books (well, not that I really need an excuse to read, but recently I have reading way too much work-related stuff and far too little of my stuff), I decided to join the goodreads 2011 challenge. Since I'm one of those über-competitive people who cannot back down (or lose), I'm fully confident I'll make my goal (or else!). ;-)

2) Health/weight
Once I hit the 65lb mark, I hit a major plateau... I'm sure the three-week long oink fest I had over winter break didn't help matters. As a result, I've gained and lost the same six pounds twice over the last month and a half. Now, I'm way too close to reaching my goals to give up now (plus, there's that whole competitive streak), so I've decided I need to change things up for a bit. I'm going to do a mini cleanse again (nothing extreme - I've done this one a few times before) and challenge myself to find a new physical activity to incorporate into my routine. However, I'm not entirely sure what to do. Currently, I take zumba and kickboxing classes, and do a fair amount of hiking when the weather is decent. I used to take belly dancing classes and have also done pilates and strength boxing classes (I would add SB back in, but current schedule prevents me from taking it). M keeps encouraging me to start running, which I've considered, but honestly, I have zero interest in running in the snow/frigid temps and I hate, hate, hate running on a treadmill. I'll probably add in running once it warms up a little, but for now, I need something that is indoors (and doesn't involve a treadmill or elliptical - I get bored quickly and end up crapping out). I'm just not sure what to do...I need some suggestions!

New semester
Now it's time for the not-so-fun stuff.
Let me first just say that this new term has been a bitch... and not just a normal bitch. No, it has been an out-of-control, crazy, messy, I'm going to tear through your life and fuck everything up bitch of a term.

I was determined to start the new school with a positive attitude. I was a little grumpy about having to readjust to getting up early and jumping back into a busy schedule, but after three weeks of total freedom, I felt relaxed and ready to go into a new semester. My hair looked awesome, I had caught up on sleep, and I had prepped for all of my new classes before we left back in December, which guaranteed there wouldn't be a last minute rush. Sounds like a good way to start, right?

Well, three days before classes were due to start, we were called in for a faculty meeting....
Fifteen minutes after I walked into my office: Department Chair came in to tell me that one of my classes had been canceled and per new policy, I had to find a replacement (normally, we would just pick up more service hours). Oh, and that replacement class will have to be taken from an adjunct because there are no unstaffed classes left. Oh, and it will have to be a class you've never taught before because all of the sections of your usual classes are either already assigned to you or have been canceled.
*positive attitude deflated a tiny bit

Two hours later: The all-faculty meeting ended and we moved into our departmental breakout sessions. DC broke the bad news about class cancellations and then went down the entire list of who lost classes, how many, etc. With each announcement, the worry and anger became more and more evident on the adjuncts' faces. After he finished the cancellation list, he proceeded to pull out a second list - the adjuncts' classes that were shifted to full-time faculty. DC decided it was a good idea to announce the name of the class, who lost the class, and exactly which FT faculty member had to "take it away." WTF?!?
*positive attitude deflated a bit more

First day of school: The faculty log-in credentials had all been inactivated - no one could access any office or classroom computers. Oh, and the IT guy wasn't available to fix the problem because he was at home and not answering his phone. What about the other IT people? Oh, that's right, they were all laid off last fall. Mass chaos ensued.
*positive attitude deflated even more

A week into the term: We found out that our campus is moving to a new location. The move will take place in the middle of the fall term - during midterms week (great idea, right?). We also learned that with this move, the full-time faculty will lose their offices and be put in a cube farm with the adjuncts so that there's "no divide between the groups." Arrrrrggggg! What the hell? No divide?!? There is a friggin' divide - we have office hours, committees, service crap, advising duties (on top of the 4-5 classes we are required to teach). What kind of school doesn't have its faculty in offices?
*positive attitude? what?

Two weeks into the term: An unexpected all-staff meeting was called to tell us that Large College is having some major financial difficulties (far more than what they had previously led us to believe), along with some legal issues. As a result, there will be no merit raises, no faculty salary adjustments (accrediting body told them two years ago they had to pay us more - ha!), the tutoring center is being cut and full-time faculty will now be responsible for manning the center (oh, you mean during my half an hour lunch break between classes?), our teaching load is being increased, and we're moving to a new credit structure this fall (right around the same time we move).
*angry, hateful, disillusioned attitude has moved in

Is it time for winter break yet? :-(

11 years

2011-01-15T17:15:00.017-06:00

M and I went on our first date eleven years ago today. I've told the story of our first date before, but it's worth revisiting, as it's all sweet and squishy...

We went to the movies to see The Talented Mr. Ripley. He gave me his long blue scarf as we waited in the ticket line and the biting January wind whipped around us. During the movie, we giggled to each other about the old ladies in front of us who kept asking each other, "Is the movie over yet? Is he dead yet?" every five minutes as they crinkled their peppermint candy wrappers. After sharing coffee at the little shop near my apartment, we decided we couldn’t bear for the night to end, so we rented another movie and cuddled under my comforter. Halfway into that second movie, he kissed me. Six months later, he said he was in love with me.
------------------
I never mentioned what happened at the end of the first night, but we're all friends here, right? Let's just say that in ended sans clothes a former convent (in the head nun's room!). You can all use your imaginations to fill in the rest. :-)

Since that night, there have been some amazing highs and some dark lows... and eleven years later, we're still kicking. I think one of the key contributing factors to our longevity is our willingness and ability to communicate - we talk about everything from the silly to the mundane to the serious. I always know how M feels about any given topic (this includes the good and the bad) and he's always the first person I want to talk to when something exciting happens or when I need some advice. As much as he may frustrate me, he's always the one I want to come home to. He is my support system, my biggest cheerleader, and my best friend.

We don't do anything big for our anniversary, as it's so close to Christmas (we always use that as an opportunity to spoil each other). We're heading out later for one of our usual Saturday night activities - dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, a movie (Blue Valentine - really, there's nothing like a movie about the demise of a relationship to celebrate an anniversary), and cupcakes from our favorite shop. Honestly, I'm just happy to spend the night with him (awww). :-)

Happy anniversary to us!

2010

2011-01-01T22:33:00.003-06:00

Health
I will always remember 2010 as the year in which I finally got my act together and did what I needed to do health-wise (both mental and physical). I was able to part with boxes of stuff from my past, I let go of a lot of negative/controlling thoughts that had been holding me back, I faced some mental medical demons, and I worked my ass off (literally!) at the gym. I'm moving into the new year 65 lbs lighter (!!), four sizes smaller, and with a hell of a lot more energy! :-)

Blogger Meet-Ups
2010 was a little light on blogger meet-ups (hmmm... maybe because I'm running out of people to meet? I feel like I've met so many of you!), but the two I had were awesome! After years of reading her blog and interacting on facebook, I finally got the chance to meet dr. kwolf (formerly of AAYOR). I also had the opportunity to meet Kendra when she came to Chicago for a conference (she got me totally wasted!). ;-)

Work Life
Sigh. It was a rough year at Large College - too much damn drama! I'm moving into my fourth year as a full-time faculty member at LC (my fifth year there)... and I'm still frickin' adjuncting at Small College! Yes, despite the fact that I am FT faculty at LC, I completed my sixth year of adjuncting at SC (one class per semester). Why am I still working as an adjunct? Well, that's a good question that has a simple answer: because the pay at LC is horrific. After four years as FT faculty, I still earn $4,000 less than the starting salary (just out of grad school/no experience) at SC, which is known for its low pay. Argggggg! I did plan to quit SC once I was hired on FT... so much for that.

Concerts
It was definitely a good music year for me, as I was able to make it to a decent amount of concerts. The highlights of the year include Lilith Fair, the Indigo Girls, and Michael Franti (he opened for John Mayer). The biggest disappointment was definitely John Mayer - although I had fun at the concert, I wasn't pleased with the set-up (it was at the United Center, which didn't lend itself well to his type of show). I really would like to see him again in a smaller venue. Oh, wait, there was an even bigger disappointment than JM - it was the Prince show in NYC that I didn't get to go to! UGH!! He will be touring this year, so I can already tell you that he will be the highlight of 2011. ;-)

Here's my 2010 concert list...

John Mayer/Michael Franti
Lilith Fair: Vedera, Melissa McClelland, Kate Nash, Court Yard Hounds, Heart, Mary J. Blige & Sarah McLachlan
Counting Crows
Train
Indigo Girls/Shawn Mullins/Chely Wright

Books
I had a disappointingly low reading year - I declared 2009 to be my lowest reading year ever (59 books), but I only made it through 21 books in 2010 (I usually read closer to 100 books each year)! There were two major contributors to my low reading year: more time at the gym & an increase in my number of magazine subscriptions. When my gym time increased, my reading time decreased because I was just too damn tired - I usually read for an hour or so before I go to sleep; that was cut down to 15-20 minutes each night. I also acquired an insane amount of magazine subscriptions - I went from six to eleven (or maybe twelve? I don't even know!). Most of the new magazines were free subscriptions and I have decided that once they expire, that's it. I would rather spend my limited reading time on books and my core magazines (Bust, Bitch, Health, Women's Health, Whole Living & Bookmarks).

Here's my 2010 reading list (in order from January-December); my top picks are in red...

A Wolf at the Table: Augusten Burroughs
Shoe Addicts Anonymous: Beth Harbison
Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie is Not the Answer: Jen Lancaster
Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office: Jen Lancaster
Marley & Me: Love and Life with the World's Worst Dog: John Grogan
Barefoot: Elin Hilderbrand
Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?: Jen Lancaster
Testimony: Anita Shreve
The Year of Magical Thinking: Joan Didion
Firefly Lane: Kristin Hannah
Balancing Acts: Zoe Fishman
Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egomanical, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase: Jen Lancaster
Sleeping Arrangements: Madeleine Wickham
Cocktails for Three: Madeleine Wickham
The Friendship Test: Elizabeth Noble
Sammy's House: Kristin Gore
Heart of the Matter: Emily Giffin
Seeing Me Naked: Liza Palmer
The Year of Fog: Michelle Richmond
The Opposite of Love: Julie Buxbaum
Three Junes: Julia Glass

I also had the opportunity to meet three awesome authors: Jen Lancaster (twice!), Jennifer Weiner, and Emily Giffin. :-)

Travel
One of my ongoing goals is to travel more; every year, I resolve to explore more new places and visit friends who live out of state. In 2010, I definitely made some major travel progress: I visited two new states (Texas & New York - completely fell in love with NYC!), went on a hiking trip with D, visited my friend MT in Kalamazoo, and took a trip to Door County with some friends I hadn't seen in ten years. Of course, I would have loved to travel even more, but time and money dictated otherwise. All in all, I think I had a decent travel year & I hope to have more opportunities to travel this year (I'm already working with Beebs on a potential trip back to California in February!).
- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Overall, 2010 was one of those years where there was a mixture of good and bad (thankfully, a little heavier on the good), but more than anything, there was a lot of stasis. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but for someone who doesn't have a lot of patience, it can be a disconcerting and frustrating state. The biggest change/improvement I hope will come in 2011 is in the form of a job for M - he was laid off a little over a year ago. Luckily, he is able to do some consulting work (which helps keep him sane), but he really needs a full-time job again, for both financial and mental reasons.

I'm not going to set any new resolutions/goals for the year; instead I'm going to continue to focus on the same goals from the last two years. I will continue to work on my relationship with M (which has improved, but still needs a little TLC). I will also continue to focus on living a healthier lifestyle (lose weight, eat better, get more sleep), save more money and pay off debt, and use my eye cream & floss every night (I currently don't have any wrinkles or weird skin and I would like to keep it that way for as long as possible). I also want to make it a year filled with more fun (all work and no play makes me a very cranky girl).

Here's to a healthy and happy 2011! :-)

Year end

2010-12-31T12:15:00.001-06:00

I have much to say about 2010, but it will have to wait until later... M & I are heading out to start our day of celebrating: lunch at at one of our favorite restaurants, a movie, a meet-up with some friends, and finally, another movie & Dick Clark at home. As much as I enjoy a good party, I'm happy to just kick back and have a low-key end to the year.

Happy New Year! :-)

Christmas wrap up

2010-12-30T17:44:00.002-06:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas (or whatever variation of Christmakwanzakah you celebrate)... as usual, we had a crazy-fun holiday and I was completely spoiled by M and my friends. I know I say this every year, but I totally made out this year! I got a sweet new camera, a car stereo (my current one is in sad shape), jewelry (including a Hello Kitty necklace & a pair of earrings from this line, books*, shoes, and various gift cards/certificates (a local salon/spa, The Body Shop, a few clothing stores, an Indian restaurant in our neighborhood & a voucher for theatre tickets). I also gave myself a beautiful pair of Nine West boots that I have been coveting for months. So, so spoiled. Of course, it's not just all about the presents (there's all that love, bonding, and sharing with friends & family), but really, who wants to hear about that mushy crap? The loot list is far more interesting. ;-)

Unfortunately, I also ended up with nasty cold that kept me inside for three days. It was some seriously icky super cold! In fact, it was so bad that I actually ended up napping for most of the first day, which I rarely do - I think that was my second or third nap of 2010. Thankfully, it's mostly gone now (thanks to an aggressive Umcka & vitamin D routine) and I was given the okay by Dr. M to return to the outside world yesterday (he refused to let me leave the house the previous days). I've also finally recovered from my week of booze and bad food, so I'm once again fully functional. Yay!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

*A special thanks to my Booklovers Secret Santa, Jules! I am already devouring the book (well, I'm also sobbing my way through it - the tears were flowing two pages into it!). You picked the perfect book for me! :-)

Merry!

2010-12-25T00:33:00.010-06:00

Have a wonderful Christmas!

I'll be back next week, once I recover from the festivities (mostly from the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed this week). I think my week-long state of tipsiness, drunkenness, or hungover-ness (yes, I realize that's not really a word - and yes, I'm still slightly in that state) may be a slight indication that I've had a wee bit too much merry this season. ;-)

Woo-hoo!

2010-12-22T13:48:00.157-06:00

I love winter break!!!!!!!!!! :-)

I am having a fabulous time (well, minus the pounding hangover headache I'm currently suffering)... I had a blast at the burlesque class (more about this later), partied my ass off at the Solstice gathering, baked up an army of cookies at The Chopping Block with D (including an anatomically correct/frustrated gingerbread man!), and had another awesome night out with my former student (along with two of her friends & her father). Tomorrow night, I'm headed down to a swanky hotel on the Mag Mile with Beebs for a mini-girls getaway - we're planning to hit up the Christkindlmarket (all sorts of crazy mulled alcohol & German food) & the various other holiday events (well, not the ice skating rink - I really don't feel like smashing my face into a giant slab of ice).

Let me just say it again: no school = super awesome happy comebacknikki time! Yay! I love it! :-)

Our little green tree... I finally retired the little red one

Cookies! :)

Winter Spiral (Solstice party)

Freedom!

2010-12-16T16:54:00.000-06:00

The essays, portfolios, and exams have all been read, final grades have been submitted, and the students have been sent on their merry way (well, there was one who was not so merry... perhaps if she wanted to stay merry, she shouldn't have turned in another student's final paper as her own, right?).

Oh yes, the incredibly long and painful term that seemed like it would never come to an end has finally ended. Whoo-hoooooo! :-)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

BTW - I'm still taking requests for awesomely awesome cards! I plan to send them out this weekend, so if you would like one, act now. I promise you won't be disappointed. :-)

Get a card!

2010-12-14T19:03:00.000-06:00

Oh yes, you heard it right... I'm sending out some awesomely awesome holiday cards! I'm a big fan of both sending and receiving mail (well, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with bills) and have sent dozens of postcards to various blog readers over the years. Now, it's time to move on to holiday cards!

I have some pretty damn awesome cards to send to some of my coolest readers. If I run out of the awesomely awesome cards, I do have some backup cards that are still quite awesome... but take it from me, you really want to be a part of the first batch of cards, especially if you're a grammar nerd. :-)

So, here's the deal: if you would like to receive a card, leave a comment on this post & then send your info to comebacknikki AT gmail.com. I promise all of your information will be seen by my eyes only... and I won't send you any creepy chain letters or drive by your house late at night (well, unless you're Prince). There's no catch - just ask for a card and I'll send you one. You don't have to send anything back to me, unless of course, you want to - in that case, just ask for my address when you email me & I'll pass it along.

Please leave a comment and send your email ASAP. If you wait too long, not only will you miss out on the awesomely awesome cards, but you will also crush Hello Kitty's very soul... and do you really want to be saddled with that responsibility? Hello Kitty thinks not.

Helllllooooo

2010-12-14T00:07:00.001-06:00

I really didn't mean to abandon the blog after finishing NaNoBloMo; in fact, I'm surprised and a little embarrassed that this is my first post of December (so much for my intention to participate in reverb). The only excuse I can offer is that I've been completely over-scheduled and overstretched, both personally and professionally. Seriously, December is kicking my ass. It's not all bad; actually, it has been a quite a bit heavier on the good side, but it has all been so time-consuming... mix in a major case of insomnia (ugh, 2-4 hours of sleep per night is so not enough) and you have one very stressed out girl.

So, exactly what have I been up to? Well, let's condense the last two weeks into one of those awesome bulleted lists...

End of semester obligations at Large College: see this list and add in (1) a policy manual I was just asked to write (must be done before the end of the term this week - obviously, I have time to do it because I really have nothing else to do at the end of a term, right?); (2) another friggin' committee meeting (because there's a committee member who just won't shut the fuck up, so we can never get everything done during one meeting); (3) an a unusually large amount of emails from students having to do with various dead relatives, emergency hospital visits, car accidents, and miscarriages to respond to (amazing that they all happened during the last two weeks of the term)
Indigo Girls concert (it was so incredible!)
Meet-ups with various out-of-town friends ('tis the season to visit and/or pass through Chicago)
Drinks with a former student (oh, that was verrrry interesting)
Power shopping and hanging out at a swanky movie theater with D
A trip back to Michigan to see my peeps (it was fun, but exhausting - they're all in their thirties, but party like they're 21)
Various holiday parties (they've been in full-swing for a few weeks already!)
Writing/not sending/deleting various unpleasant emails that really need to be sent
Time at the gym... must combat all of the delicious seasonal peppermint treats that somehow seem to make their way to me ;-)

Upcoming plans include...

Burlesque class
Winter Solstice party
Cooking class at The Chopping Block (it has been far too long!)
Dinner with a friend I haven't seen in almost a year
Girly night downtown with Beebs - complete with a sweet hotel room and much mulled wine & cider
Three more Christmas parties & various other mini holiday themed get-togethers
A possible trip to Indianapolis to see a dear friend

Like I said, the craziness is mostly good (well, minus the insomnia and work crap), but it's still a lot to pack into one little month (on top of the normal holiday madness). I am exhausted!

Okay, now that we're all caught up, let's just move on and pretend my little unintentional hiatus never happened. Now, it's time for me to crawl into bed, wrap myself in multiple blankets (it's 10 degrees - ick!), and ~~pretend to~~ ~~wish for~~ ~~curse the lack of~~ go to sleep.

NoMo NaBloPoMo

2010-11-30T22:22:00.001-06:00

Not only is it the last day of November, it's also the final day of NaBloPoMo. Praise the FSM! I say it every year, but I'll say it again - I swear it was harder to complete NaBloPoMo this year than it was last year.

Although I did manage to push out 33 posts, I feel like a bit a of a failure because I gave up on my 30 days of shoes only five days into the month (although it was for a good reason), and I never finished any of my Ex Files posts (I started the series last November). Those were the two specific things I wanted to do during this round of NaBloPoMo. Obviously, taking pictures of bottles of Coke and Kahlua was far more important. :-)

Oh well... at least I'll have something to write about during the upcoming arctic freeze/hibernation season, right? And just so we're clear - I'm not referring to the type of arctic freeze that involves poo. Ick.

Disturbing

2010-11-29T23:26:00.010-06:00

Our building's parking area faces the back entrance to a funeral home. Much to my consternation, I recently discovered that said door serves as the dead body entrance (obviously, there are also live bodies that go through the entrance, but they are almost always accompanied by dead ones).

There are just some things you don't want to encounter on a Monday morning as you stumble out of your cozy apartment... one of those things is a smiling, mustached man in a gray suit struggling to pull a body in a flimsy cardboard box out of a minivan. It's even more disconcerting when you see him drop the cardboard box on the ground and you hear a loud thump, which you know to be the unmistakable sound of a head slamming against the pavement. After the box is uprighted, the smiling, mustached man turns to you, waves, and says good morning as if it were no big deal that there's a dead body in a cardboard box propped up against his minivan's bumper.

Yes, I know that he probably didn't give it a second thought (I'm sure it was nothing out of the ordinary for him), but I found the whole situation to be really damn creepy... and weird... and, well, just fucking disturbing.

Countdown

2010-11-28T22:22:00.003-06:00

Each year, my department officially begins the end of semester countdown on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Naturally, countdown start day is one of our favorite days of the year... second only to the final day of the semester. :-)

As of tomorrow, we have 19 days left in the semester. For me, that translates into...

93 papers to grade (well, that's if all of the students actually submit their papers)
28 portfolios to grade
28 student conferences
4 classes to set up (we are required to have all syallbi for next semester posted on the class websites before the end of this semester)
12 teaching days (13 class meetings)
3 textbooks to review & 1 textbook committee recommendation report to write
2 departmental meetings (ugh)
1 all faculty meeting (double ugh)
1 committee meeting
1 major field trip
1 nasty, stinky office refrigerator to clean (triple ugh)

Okay, I'm feeling much less enthusiastic after thinking about everything that has to be done... crap. So much for that. Damn list.

Let's focus on the positive... 19 days! :-)

Flu shot

2010-11-27T23:21:00.016-06:00

I guess my body just does not like vaccinations, as the same thing happened a few months ago when my doctor forced me to get a tetanus shot (I couldn't remember the last time I had one, which apparently indicated to her that I needed one). You may not be able to tell from this photo, but the lump is the size of a golf ball - it's also hard as a rock, which makes sleeping fun (it's always at its worse in the morning because I keep rolling over on it).

Arg! And ouch! :-(

Post-Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T13:17:00.028-06:00

M and I joined up with Beebs and her family for this year's T-giving extravaganza. It was a little more low-key than usual, which for that family meant that there were only sixteen people in attendance (including the random strays who occasionally join the group for holidays), rather than the normal twenty-five or so. Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations are usually hosted at either Beebs' house or her brother's house, but this year, their sister ~~insisted on~~ offered to host at her place. Beck's specialty is Korean food, so we had a very non-traditional, but quite delicious, dinner. I can honestly say that although I love the stuffing and cranberries part of Thanksgiving, I really did not miss it (plus, we did have a loaf of turkey bread - you just can't go wrong with bread in the shape of a bird). Beck's food was awesome and we had a lovely day filled with rice wine, movies, games, and gossip... and desserts... sooo many desserts. :-)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T06:29:00.001-06:00

Seven facts about me

2010-11-24T19:43:00.008-06:00

Remember back during the early days of blogging when it seemed like there was a new meme almost every week? Whatever happened to that craze? This is the first one I've seen making the rounds in quite awhile*...

The Rules:
Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
Tag 7 people at the end of your post & them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. (I'm breaking this rule - instead, I'll just say that if you're reading this & you have a blog, you should do it, too!)

The Facts:
1. I'm addicted to The Real Housewives series. Yes, I religiously watch every episode of every single season. I tend to prefer the Atlanta cast (so much drama!) and the Beverly Hills episodes make me want to punch someone (preferably, Camille).

2. I'd never had a beer that I actually liked until this year - Framboise Raspberry Lambic Beer changed my life (well, not dramatically, but now I can say there is at least one beer in the world that I like).

3. I went through the typical obsession with all things pink when I was a little girl (even my bedroom walls were cotton candy pink) and then spent almost 20 years waging war against it. About three years ago, I realized how great I look in pink - it has subsequently made its way back on my favorite colors list (pink/black and pink/gray combinations rock!).

4. Worms totally skeeve me out. I really hate when they hang out on the sidewalk after a rainstorm - if possible, I will walk in the street just to avoid them.

5. My dream job would involve traveling around the world, eating, and writing about it. Of course, since it's a dream job, not only would someone pay for everything, I would also get paid to do it.

6. As much as I love to travel, I've actually only been to 11 states (not counting those I've just driven through): Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, New York, Massachusetts, Florida, Texas, and California. I've been to several of those states far too many times (I'm sorry, Ohio, but you're damn boring) and others, not nearly enough (oh, California, I'm dreaming of you). The top two states on my travel wishlist are Washington (Seattle!) and Oregon (Portland!), both of which I hope to visit next year.

7. Although he's not what I usually like, I think James Franco is super-sexy, damn smokin' hot.

*seen most recently at research centered

Why D rocks

2010-11-23T21:12:00.016-06:00

She greeted me with a bottle of super-awesome deliciousness when I showed up at the gym tonight.

Yes, I was tempted to crack it open before we went into class, but ultimately, I decided that it probably wasn't the best idea to try to zumba while tipsy and after only getting two hours of sleep (although I'm sure it would have been fun). :-)

Delurk, my pretties!

2010-11-22T05:37:00.004-06:00

Apparently, it's officially delurking week once again... or maybe it isn't & a bunch of the blogs I read just decided to make it so. :-) Regardless, I love delurking week because I get to hear from all the awesome people who visit my little blog.

Now, I know you're out there; my site stats tell me so. Leave a comment whether you're a lurker or not - tell me what your favorite book or movie is, tell me about somewhere cool for me to visit, ask me a question, or just tell me hi. Just comment! :-)

Missing posts

2010-11-21T10:53:00.003-06:00

Apparently, a bunch of posts from last week are missing. Although they show up in my published posts folder, they're not viewable on the blog. WTF, Blogger? So much for the great mobile blogging experiment. Sigh.

I'm going to go back and republish everything, so don't be surprised if you see a bunch of posts from last week show up in your readers. It's not you; it's me. Actually, it's not me; it's Blogger (and possibly T-Mobile, but I'm not entirely sure who's the main culprit - they're probably in cahoots).

I'll try to figure it out later tonight, as M & I are about to head out for lunch and Harry Potter. In the meantime, here's the first of the missing posts - oh, yes, all of us at Large College are so, so proud of our famous graduate.

They sucked me in

2010-11-20T13:53:00.023-06:00

I freely admit that I only bought it because of the packaging. The little chubby bottle is just so damn cute!

Coca-Cola, you are an evil genius.

When database searches go wrong...

2010-11-19T10:36:00.005-06:00

Each term, I have to herd the new crop of freshmen to the library for an orientation that includes an introduction to the academic databases (I get to sit through the presentation five times per year. Yippee). After the students learn how/when to use each database, there's a short research assignment for them to complete. Usually, the assignment doesn't pose a problem as the questions aren't overly complicated (they're really just meant for the students to practice using the various databases); however, this term, something went very, very wrong. I don't know if some rouge hacker took over EBSCO that day or if I just have a particularly special group this year, but some of the answers they turned in were just... well, take a look....

1. Who was the president was Alaska became a state?

Barack Obama
Ronald Regan
Hilary Clinton

2. When was an African-American first elected to Congress?

November 4th, 2010
That hasn't happened yet.
With Barack Obama

3. Identify the author & the source of this quotation, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be."

Knight Rider
Shakespears Sister

4. Name the Fates in Greek Mythology

Frodo, Samwise, Legolas

5. Who is the current Vice President of the United States?

Joe Button
John McCain

LOL

2010-11-18T16:17:00.003-06:00

Whenever I'm having a bad/stressful/overwhelming day and am desperately in need of a laugh, this video never fails to get the job done (NSFW).

Cotton boner. Hahaha.
Seth MacFarlane is a damn genius.

Application

2010-11-17T21:00:00.004-06:00

Although I haven't been in hardcore job search mode over the last year or so (although I probably should be, considering everything that has happened at LC over the last couple of months), I do keep an eye on the openings and will occasionally apply to one (well, if there actually are some openings - the education market isn't exactly thriving in these parts). A few weeks ago, I came across a very rare job posting - not only was it for the exact type of position I'm interested in (combination of teaching & admin), it was also at a community college on my shortlist.

As I read through the posting, I thought about how fantastic it would be if I got at job at CC. I could tell Department Chair to suck it (well, I wouldn't really do that IRL, but I always do in my fantasy world) and move into an awesome new position at a far superior school (and earn $10K more per year!). Although I know there are no guarantees and that the process was in the very initial stages, just the idea that there was an open position at CC made me happy. So, imagine my dismay when I got to the bottom of the posting and saw this:
Please be sure to have a current CV, cover letter, and list of at least three professional references with contact information prepared to submit along with your application. One of the references must be your current, direct supervisor (no exceptions).

Um, excuse me? One of my references must be my current, direct supervisor? As in the current, direct supervisor who doesn't know I'm even thinking about looking for a new job? As in the current, direct supervisor who is looking for any reason to get rid of officemate or me so that he can get his office crush/possible fuck buddy into a full-time position? As in the current, direct supervisor who previously secretly went to the dean with information about the former assistant dean's job search (which led to his firing)?

Oh, CC, why?!? Although I understand that you want to make sure the candidates' references are current and you probably see this as an easy way to dig into the relationships each person has with their departments (and let's not forget that you obviously only want someone who's currently employed), your requirement really frickin' sucks. I would absolutely love to work for your school (and I would totally rock), but since there's no guarantee that I would get the job, I can't risk putting myself in a potentially bad position at my current school (at LC if they perceive you to not be 100% loyal, they'll find a way to get rid of you). I can only hope that one day you'll come to your senses and amend your policies so that a totally awesome grrrrl can finally apply. :-(

Hardworking student

2010-11-16T15:50:00.024-06:00

Oh, I'm so, so glad to see that one of my former students (aka the faux military policeman) is putting his degree in Criminal Justice to good use: Cop Impersonators Arrested by Real Cops.

Well, I at least hope he was a fake policeman who used correct grammar.

Nerdiness

2010-11-15T23:33:00.003-06:00

I do realize that this completely confirms my extreme nerdiness (and probably wipes out any cool points I've built up over the years), but I just think this is so totally awesome...

11.14.10 11.15.10

Oh, yes, I am now the proud owner of a Galileo thermometer (and it was only $12, which made my thrifty little heart swoon). I brought it home on Saturday and have been obsessively tracking the temperature changes in our bedroom ever since. As you can see, it was significantly colder today than it was yesterday. :-)

However, despite my love affair with the Galileo thermometer, my nerdiness will never quite trump M's. He is the nerdiest of the nerds around here...

Cupcakes!

2010-11-14T20:08:00.019-06:00

Look what we found in Evanston today....

Flirty Cupcakes rocks! :-)

Today...

2010-11-13T23:55:00.001-06:00

D and I made the trek out to Arlington Heights (aka suburban hell) for the Great American Cooking Expo. We had a ridiculous amount of fun - I'm sure all of that fun had nothing to do with the plethora of alcohol vendors (Peppermint Mocha Kahlua is so friggin' awesome!!). I think there were at least three alcohol booths for every one food booth. And yes, we were both quite tipsy approximately thirty minutes into the event... at 11:30 in the morning. :-)

Ugh

2010-11-12T23:34:00.009-06:00

I took a Kwando class (Tae Kwan Do mixed w/kickboxing) tonight. During and right after the class, I thought it was challenging, but still fun. Hell, I would even say I enjoyed it.

Five hours later, I'm reconsidering my opinion (ooh, the pain). I think it seriously kicked my ass... it slammed me with a jab & cross combo to my gut, uppercut punched the hell out of my chin, and finished me off with a few roundhouse kicks to my chest.

Evil, evil, evil class!

Dear Student...

2010-11-11T23:31:00.016-06:00

Please do not take offense at my refusal to touch your contaminated paper. You have to understand that since you had a hacking/wheezing fit while standing in front of me, I witnessed the little drips of wet, vile yuckiness fly from your mouth and land squarely on your paper. That was quite gross enough, but then you had to sneeze... and while I appreciate that you were considerate enough to cover your nose/mouth, you did so with your paper. Just so we're clear, that was the exact same paper you tried to hand me approximately five seconds later. Given the circumstances, I really don't think it was unreasonable for me to ask you to leave my office and email me a (germ-free) copy of said paper.

While I do understand that you were not feeling well, and that the thought of the five minutes it would take you to walk across the hall to the lab, plug in your flash drive, and send an email was just enough to push you over the edge (your loud sigh and eye rolling let me know exactly how you felt), you must realize that I have no desire whatsoever to share in your misery. Please trust me when I say that not passing on your plague really is in your best interest. You do not want me to grade your paper while I'm miserable - you especially don't want that grading to happen while I'm miserable and aware that I'm miserable because of you and your filthy crud.

As much I was repulsed by your snot show, I'm not completely heartless - I do hope you're feeling better soon.

Love & Lysol,
Comebacknikki

Tonight's dinner

2010-11-10T23:45:00.004-06:00

Dinner at Nia with M - we probably wouldn't have chosen to go there on our own (there are just far too many awesome restaurants in the same area), but we saw a good deal for it on Groupon & decided to give it a try. The food was good, the waitstaff was awesome, and the decor was lovely. However, the tables were a bit too close together, which is one of my biggest restaurant peeves (it was fine at first, but once it got crowded we practically had to shout to hear each other). Also, it really was a bit pricey for tapas (tapas should not be in the double digit range!). I would go back (not during a busy time though), but it wouldn't be my first choice.

pretentious skinny silverware :-)

I thought the name of M's beer was hilarious ;-)

lamb & feta meatballs (the sauce was good, but the meatballs were slightly bland) & grilled calamari (peppery & spicy - delicious!)

diver scallops w/sundried tomato pesto & white bean purée (my favorite part of the meal - so incredible!) & baked goat cheese (yum!)

crab cakes w/saffron & apple aioli (I hated the crab cakes - they were far too dry for me) & smoked salmon (it was good, but nothing special)

sautéed banana covered in caramel w/strawberries & vanilla gelato (orgasmic!)

Finally, a very limited edition photo of us, liquored up (any type of alcohol = red face & chest for me) and full of tapas (this will disappear very soon)...

*poof! gone!*

Now I need to go and sleep off the alcohol and carbs so that I can drag myself out of bed in time for class tomorrow morning. Blah.

Letting go

2010-11-09T21:55:00.004-06:00

After my mom died, I was the one in charge of sorting through everything, holding an estate sell, and selling the house. This process took place during the five months after her funeral. I had just moved to Chicago and was in the midst of my student teaching semester (while taking two of my own classes); I had also just ended a long-term relationship (my choice) and was dealing with the horrible fallout (the ex had plenty of venom). I spent holidays and various weekends commuting back to Michigan in order to deal with the house situation, all while trying to hold together my life in Chicago. I spent those months listening to everyone tell me how strong I was and how they didn't think they would be able to do it if they were in my shoes. I never thought of myself that way though - I just did what needed to be done. I had to do everything because if I didn't, who was going to? I had to keep myself together and not break down because if I did, who was going to take care of me? Although I was surrounded by friends, I truly felt like I was on my own.

The estate sale was one of the worst days of my life. People combed through my parents' belongings and haggled with me over the already cheap prices. I listened to a woman excitedly tell me how she had heard about my mother's death a few months before and had been obsessively watching the newspapers for the estate sale announcement. I watched various objects that had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember leave the house in the arms of strangers.

The next day I packed up what was left of my life in Michigan - twenty(ish) extra large storage tubs went into a storage unit and about ten more came back to Chicago with me. Realistically, I could have halved the amount of stuff I kept, but I just couldn't force myself to get rid of anything else. After the estate sale and the seemingly endless number of donation trips I made to the Salvation Army, I was emotionally spent. I just could not stand to part with anything more. I felt like the tubs of stuff were all I had left of my family.

I retrieved everything from that storage unit in Michigan six months later and spent that next ten years moving it all over Illinois. The tubs spent some time in a friend's basement, some more time in another friend's attic, a few years in a spare room in my apartment, and finally, they made their way back into a storage unit when M & I moved last year. Each time I moved (or was forced to find a new place for everything), I sorted the tubs and weeded out the things I felt like I could part with at that time. But even after all of the time I spent sorting and donating, as of the last move, I was still left with nine giant tubs of stuff.

Although I didn't consciously set out to make it so, 2010 has been been about simplifying my life. After I hit the fifty pound mark, I had the urge to sort and organize all of my clothes. This was a massive undertaking, as I had clothes ranging four sizes - some things were in my closet (which was way overfull) and the rest was packed away in under-bed storage containers. I spent two weeks sorting through the piles of clothing and trying on everything. I told myself that I would only keep the clothes and actually fit and that I liked. I was appalled to discover the amount of clothes I had in storage that I had never worn (almost everything still had tags!) - and had already lost too much weight to ever wear. I had an entire wardrobe that I could have worn earlier in the year, but because I'd had it all packed away for so long I had completely forgotten about it.

The clothing project made me want to sort and organize everything in my life - books, photos, beauty products, the overflowing file cabinet, all of the other closets in our apartment, my iTunes folder... during this process, I realized that I don't want to be the person who is saddled with stuff. I don't want to be the person who moves tubs full of stuff that I never use from place to place. I don't want to be the person who has an unhealthy attachment to objects from the past. I don't want to be the person who is so steeped in nostalgia that she can't move on. I can't say that there was a defining moment for me, but near the end of the summer I realized that it was time to tackle the hidden clutter from my past. I was tired of thinking about what to do with it. I was tired of feeling guilty about keeping it in storage. Most of all, I was tired of the emotional burden - I felt like those tubs were weighing me down. It was time to let go and simplify my life.

It took me almost a month to move everything out of the unit, sort through it, and decide what I wanted/needed to keep. I was ruthless. Something in me had changed - I was able to part with so many things that only a year ago I had decided was stuff I just had to keep. Hell, there were times in the past in which I cried over the mere idea of getting rid of some of the stuff! At the end I was left with two small storage boxes (both of which easily fit into my newly organized closet!). I only kept the things that I felt were truly important or that I would seriously regret getting rid of - things like yearbooks & scrapbooks, my parents' wedding memorabilia, a few small pieces of artwork (that I actually like), my father's first driver's license, a love letter my father wrote for my mother a few weeks after they got married. The rest of the stuff I donated or sold on eBay.

I did have a brief moment of panic right before the donation truck came to haul everything away, but I reminded myself that it was for the best. Two months later, I can't say that I miss a single thing that I got rid of - in fact, I can't even remember half of what I sent away.

We all have baggage from our past - in my case, the emotional baggage carried nine gigantic tubs by its side. I don't think I'll ever completely recover from everything that happened, but by letting go of the physical objects, so much of what has weighed me down over years has finally left my head.

Preview

2010-11-08T10:09:00.001-06:00

I'm still working on the post about our hiking trip (sooo many photos to sort through!); in the meantime, here's a sneak peek of what's to come...

Yes, it was pretty damn awesome! :)

Shoes: Day Seven

2010-11-07T23:09:00.000-06:00

I spent today in my cupcake pants and monkey slippers. As cute as they are, the smiling monkeys didn't make being stuck in grading jail any more pleasant. :-(

Judge Mathis

2010-11-06T22:06:00.007-05:00

I didn't intend to engage in drive-by drunk blogging last night, but after a long (but totally awesome) day at the Judge Mathis taping, I forgot to do my post for the day before M & I left to meet up with some friends at Prairie Moon. Of course, I didn't remember that I still needed to blog until I ways already halfway through this:

For someone who doesn't drink very much (and is sans gallbladder), that was a big-ass bottle! And yes, it was also quite delicious. :-) It also paired quite nicely with both dinner and this:

Happy birthday to me... for the third (and final) time this year!

Since I know you're all dying to know... yes, the cases we saw during the taping were all hot messes! ;-) After waiting in line for about an hour, we were ushered into the holding room, where they briefed us on the plans for the rest of the day. Fifteen minutes later, we moved to the set - on the way in we passed by the judge's chambers, which is really just a wall with painted on fake bookcases. M & I were there with several friends and coworkers, one of whom got us on the VIP list, which meant we were picked to sit in the front row. M & I were right behind the defendant's stand, which was perfect - we were right in the middle of the action and positioned so that we were on camera almost the entire time! Before they started taping, Doyle (the bailiff) came in to talk to us about the logistics of the taping, answer questions, and get everyone excited (the jokes were a bit lame, but he was still fun). I was disappointed to find out that he's actually an actor (there are several cops who sit in the audience though) - WTF?!

It was a long day of taping, but it was quite fascinating (both the process and the crazy people), so it didn't seem like we were in there as long as we were. During the six hours, we saw ten cases - everything from the typical bickering neighbors and feuding exes to a case involving two sisters, a pimp, and large sums of money. It was really insane! After the cases were finished, JM met up with Judge Pirro and they taped a few promos (JM kept screwing up, so that went on for much longer than planned).

Although we both had a great time, M & I were slightly disappointed that Judge Mathis didn't interact with the crowd unless the camera was rolling. He left the set in between cases and didn't say anything to us before or after the taping. There was also some serious security surrounding JM. M was exiting the restroom as JM was walking down the hall - the security guys asked him to step back into the restroom until JM had passed. He went back in and ended up chatting with Doyle until JM was gone. Apparently, they don't care if Doyle shares a bathroom with the audience, but JM can't even be in the same hallway as anyone else.

They told us the cases will air around the third week of December - we taped enough for two and a half episodes, so they'll be spread out over a few days. Needless to say, I will be obsessively setting my DVR everyday in December until I catch the episodes! It's my national TV debut (I was on TV several times when I lived in MI, but it was only local, so it doesn't count). :-)

Birthday x3

2010-11-05T23:48:00.001-05:00

Third and final b-day celebration right now.
Pretyy sure I'm drunk.

Shoes: Day Four

2010-11-04T23:19:00.000-05:00

This morning I decided enough was enough. I was sick of shuffling between the same two pairs of shoes - it was time to wear some cute shoe with backs, nasty heel be damned!

These are Naot Matais - not only are they adorable, they're also the most comfortable shoes I've ever owned. They're definitely my favorite pair of black Mary Jane flats. I fell in love with Naots back in 2007 when I was on vacation with RL - there was a tiny shoe store in South Haven that featured the brand. I was hooked from the very first pair I saw (and I'm still totally coveting that particular pair!).

Well, as lovely and comfortable my Naots are, my heel just wasn't ready to be in an enclosed shoe again. Everything seemed fine at first, but by the middle of the day, I was ready to cry. Ugh

Warning: do look at the large version photo if you're totally skeeved out by scabs, sores, or feet. It's pretty nasty.

Gross, huh? I guess it's back to backless shoes tomorrow. Sigh. At least my backless shoes will be taking me to the Judge Mathis taping, so they will have a more little excitement than usual. Please send lots of crazy case vibes my way - I want to see some drama! :-)

Shoes: Day Three

2010-11-03T23:10:00.008-05:00

Clarks Artisan Collection Mary Janes redux.

If you didn't get a look at the little flowers yesterday, you can check them out today... with different pants! Woo-hoo!

Blah

2010-11-03T22:28:00.005-05:00

I'm feeling uninspired tonight. Between the disappointing election results (Mark Kirk? Really?!?), the dismal work situations (ugh, I still need to deal with the personal BS), and the fact that I gained two lbs in the last month (friggin' birthday ice cream cake and delicious WI cheese!), I'm in a very blah mood.

I think a vacation that involves a tropical beach and hot men who serve fruity drinks with umbrellas is definitely in order. Who's in?

Shoes: Day Two

2010-11-02T23:15:00.002-05:00

It's day two of the backless shoes... I'm hoping I'll be able to wear shoes with backs again soon, as I'm running out of choices (most of the ones I have are a little too summery for the weather). These are from the Clarks Artisan collection (almost all of my Clarks are from the same collection) - I think they came out three years ago. I really love them because they're very comfortable and can easily be dressed up (oh, and look at the sweet little flower details!); however, I rarely wear them because I have so many pairs of black Mary Janes (as M points out every time I bring home a new pair). :-P

BTW - thanks to those of you who emailed me about yesterday's posts. I don't know what happened with the comments, but everything is now fixed. Feel free to comment away!

Changes

2010-11-02T21:56:00.008-05:00

While I was trampling around in the Wisconsin woods last Friday, some very unexpected major changes happened at Large College. Five administrative positions, ranging from a lower-level student services position to a dean-level position, were eliminated. Out of these five positions, one was a firing and the others were layoffs (they dissolved the positions). Additionally, over the last four months, there were three other admins who were fired (two of which were let go for somewhat ridiculous reasons).

When all of the admin positions that exist on our campus are actually filled, we operate with a staff of approximately fifty (plus another 60ish instructors). For the past two years, we've been operating with about thirty. With the latest cuts, we're almost down to twenty... twenty people left to deal with eight hundred students. Some of the recent eliminations have to do with budget issues (the student body is significantly smaller than it was a year ago), but most are a result of multiple audits that occurred because of the senate hearings and the increased attention the school has received. To top it off, we're in the middle of the term and about to switch over to a completely new grading system (great idea to do that in the middle of the term, right?). There were two people that were trained on the new system last month - and yes, both of those people were laid off/fired last week.

As usual, there has been no discussion or even an acknowledgement of these changes from the higher-ups. Whenever there are negative/difficult changes, they tend to pretend like nothing happened - staff meetings are put on hold until they feel an acceptable amount of time has passed. Until that time comes, they hide behind their closed office doors and/or take vacations until the initial shock and confusion dies down. When they do finally acknowledge the changes, they do it by sending out an email to introduce the employees who were hired to replace the ones who left (this even happened when the president left!). Of course, this only happens if the positions are filled by new people - if they don't fill them, there usually isn't any acknowledgement of the changes.

Needless to say, things are completely fucked up right now. Well, things are always fucked up at LC, but now... well, it has moved to a entirely new level. As I've said before, I'm happy to be employed, especially at a time when full-time faculty positions are hard to come by, but LC is definitely not the ideal school for so many reasons. The latest changes are just another drop in the (disorganized, botched, mishandled, sometimes unethical) bucket.